#1
Okay guys. This is my very first song, and I've spend about 20 minutes writing it. Feel free to make any comments. Tho please tell me what I'm doing wrong and how i eventually could do it better and so.
Here it goes:

When I look into your eyes
Everything around you dies
You start staring at me
And thats all I can see

So is it really worth being alive?
I just want to see the beauty again

I'm trying energetic to turn around
But I can't
It's like my feets are bound
I'm stucked to this land

So is it really worth being alive?
I just want to see the beauty again

I don't feel anything
You have made me a zombie
So let me taste the death
I don't want to be here anylonger

So is it really worth being alive?
Please just end my life
When I see all this death
It aint worth being alive
#3
well i dont know much about lyrics but i have to agree that it sounds totally emo
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#5
Around here emo means whiney. It stands for "emotional" and means that it's music about something other than drugs, hos, cash or bringing down the man. Which means it's whiney, basically.

Aynway. The songs just simple, and not in a good way. You need some artistic imagery and metaphors and all that. Just writing "is it worth being alive?" as a song lyric makes us want to say "no." Since it's your first song, I'll be nice. Take your time and try harder next time. This isn't that great.

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#7
Quote by Petey Cook
Around here emo means whiney. It stands for "emotional" and means that it's music about something other than drugs, hos, cash or bringing down the man. Which means it's whiney, basically.

Aynway. The songs just simple, and not in a good way. You need some artistic imagery and metaphors and all that. Just writing "is it worth being alive?" as a song lyric makes us want to say "no." Since it's your first song, I'll be nice. Take your time and try harder next time. This isn't that great.

Rock On


Thanks a lot dude. I will try make a new and work alot harder with it. Sounds like it isnt something you make in just one day
#8
Songs are hard. I started fiddling around on guitar writing songs when I was in eighth grade and just last year as a sophomore in college I can say I wrote my first real song. So yeah, it takes time.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary