#1
This is a freestyle rap thing that I will probably delete weeks later due to the fact that it's highly embarrasing:

Introduction.

Could you please allow me to introduce myself?
Radioactive sickness, I ain't good for your health
Cuz my rhymes run cirlces and lines around yours
They make anything look mightier than your sword

I'm too bored; a Link To The Past is only good for 5 hours
I can only have so much fun with Link's new found powers
Power Gloves and Pegasus shoes provide a means to an end
But they don't help the situation when it comes to a girlfriend

But who needs a girlfriend when you got Nintendo?
I got Link, Yoshi, Luigi and Mario
Even Donkey Kong's barrels can't hold me back
That shit's countered by a simple jump attack

But back to the subject of - well, me
I'm everything that you thought you would never be
Talk shit - and you'll meet the back of my hand
Cuz I'm well hung - and I don't mean like Saddam

I'm bionic, eletronic; fuckin' supersonic
Movin' round your body like a plate tectonic
Thoughts about breathing best be kept aside
'Cuz you got nowhere to run - and I know where you hide


It's pretty all over the place.
Last edited by _Mayday_ at Feb 7, 2007,
#2
To be honest....I was highly entertained by it =)
Quote by sluffinator
Yeh this guy knows his ****... just listen to him XD


Quote by ScreamingCheeto
NaivexLi is anything but naive. His post was a pretty good source of info.


Thanks

Quote by MightyAl

Pro tip, kids - girls are NOT impressed by your blood.
#3
Quote by NaivexLi
To be honest....I was highly entertained by it =)


Thanks. I may work on it a bit in a few days, as I have to go now. Bye.
#4
Alright mate? This made me laugh; the second stanza at least, the first one was actually pretty good. I think it was (as much as i adore adore it) the Zelda talk.... it was just geeky, and if i ever saw a ganster rap those words, i would probably laugh!

Anyway, i was really entertained by that, despite the weak ending.
#5
Quote by caz_guitar_dude
Alright mate? This made me laugh; the second stanza at least, the first one was actually pretty good. I think it was (as much as i adore adore it) the Zelda talk.... it was just geeky, and if i ever saw a ganster rap those words, i would probably laugh!

Anyway, i was really entertained by that, despite the weak ending.


Thanks. I'm working on a few more verses...but, with the way I write, I have to be in the right mood, so I doubt I'll post an update anytime soon.

Thanks for that.
#11
Proud owner of an Engl Thunder 50 Reverb and an Ibanez S470

"The end is extremely fucking nigh..."
#12
So I figured out my style is heavily influenced by the Wu.

It explains the different flowes the verses have, and the last verse wouldn't be out of place in a Wu-Tang song.

Any more 'crits'?
#13
wow.

Just..wow.

I'm really impressed with your rhymes.
however awkward some may be, haha.

I like it.
You should really consider writing more I think.

but as for topics...
You might want to either write songs about nintendo or killing people

both together is very very strange, and it kind of makes me feel bad for playing Super Smash Brothers while my girlfriend is around.
0.o

haha, but still, I approve.
Quote by sluffinator
Yeh this guy knows his ****... just listen to him XD


Quote by ScreamingCheeto
NaivexLi is anything but naive. His post was a pretty good source of info.


Thanks

Quote by MightyAl

Pro tip, kids - girls are NOT impressed by your blood.
#14
Quote by NaivexLi
both together is very very strange, and it kind of makes me feel bad for playing Super Smash Brothers while my girlfriend is around.
0.o.




Cheers.
#15
But who needs a girlfriend when you got Nintendo?
I got Link, Yoshi, Luigi and Mario
Even Donkey Kong's barrels can't hold me back
That shit's countered by a simple jump attack


Even from someone who's never gamed, that freakin rocked.

On the other hand, your rhyme flow felt trite and repetitive and that really brought the song down. Do your best to avoid that "ABA" pattern. I liked the content, though.
#16
Quote by MastaBassist10
But who needs a girlfriend when you got Nintendo?
I got Link, Yoshi, Luigi and Mario
Even Donkey Kong's barrels can't hold me back
That shit's countered by a simple jump attack


Even from someone who's never gamed, that freakin rocked.

On the other hand, your rhyme flow felt trite and repetitive and that really brought the song down. Do your best to avoid that "ABA" pattern. I liked the content, though.


Cheers. It's my first proper rap; so I wasn't feeling very adventureous.
#18
Maybe a stupid idea, but I would switch the 2nd and the 3rd verse. It seems to be more logical then with the nintendo thing. yeah except the girlfriend thing you would have to make up something else for that. whatever
#19
Quote by Perforator
Maybe a stupid idea, but I would switch the 2nd and the 3rd verse. It seems to be more logical then with the nintendo thing. yeah except the girlfriend thing you would have to make up something else for that. whatever


Thanks for the suggestion; but I can't be arsed.