#1
so i'm in a punk band and i'm having trouble writing lyrics. we write about everything but i need help. heres some stuff i wrote. what should i do to make them better?

Open up the browser and look what I see
A new friend request waiting for me
Should I accept or should I deny
Is this really a girl a horny old guy?
She’s so hot, too good to be true
I’ve got noodies just for you
You can find new friends with a modem and a mouse
On your laptop or a desktop in your house
You don’t need a diskett or cd rom
You can find all these people on myspace.com
It doesn’t matter if you’re the geek at school
Because everyone on the web thinks that your cool
Some people have over ten thousand friends
But they’re just old men who live with their parents
Hot girls who have numbers to trade
Stories of little kids getting raped
You can find new friends with a modem and a mouse
On your laptop or a desktop in your house
You don’t need a diskett or cd rom
You can find all these people on myspace.com
A sister company of the station called fox
Where if you try to get boobies, you’ll end up with ****
A greedy old man owns this network
But many of us still call Tom a jerk
Dozens of errors everyday
But all of us have one in the USA


I got red and you got blue
Do you have a link cable cause I wanna battle you
I should have started with bulbasaur but I started with squirttle
It’s hard to beat misty with this ****in wartortle
I’m out of rare candies and I need more
So my pokemon will be ready to fight the elite four
I wanna catch Mewtwo but I need the master ball
Because theres 150 and I gotta catch em all!

My friends are all busy so theres nothing to do
I’m on the computer but its still no fun
I found some websites with naked chicks
And some lesbian movies without any dicks
It says I have to be 18 but they won’t know
I’ll just take a peek and then I’ll go
But I can’t leave now cuz I got an erection
I feel like I’m ****in without getting an infection
Masturbation in our nation
It’s a lovely, lovely sensation
#3
i would change around the rhymming schemes cause they sound like nursery rhymes (not the lyrics the rhyming)

possibly work on making the lyrics alot less obivous too more imagery maybe?

idk im not all that great at writing lyrics but there is my 2 cents
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#4
i like the start of the myspace song.. but i dont like the end
A sister company of the station called fox
Where if you try to get boobies, you’ll end up with ****
A greedy old man owns this network
But many of us still call Tom a jerk
Dozens of errors everyday
But all of us have one in the USA

i guess i might not understand it coz im aussie

they're all funny but kinda imature and very computer oriented
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#5
thanks. i think the reason i always rhyme is because of a lot of stuff i listen to. i think my influences come from bands like nofx, bouncing souls, ramones and anti-flag. heres another song i wrote.

When you feel like you just don’t belong
When you’re never right, you’re always wrong
But then you meet some people just like you
And you get together but you don’t know what to do.
Spending our free time, going to shows
Singing along to all the songs that we know
Dancing with strangers, but we see them as friends
They’re still our friends after the show ends
When everyone hates you for being yourself
You got your friends to tell you “**** everyone else”
So we all go do what we want
Because, we’re proud of who we are