#1
Just an idea that i've got going at the moment. I play indie kind of music, if your looking for a sound. Tell me what you think guys.

Verse 1
What a wasted talent, you were gonna be a star
living it up in london town, chauffered from bar to bar.
You could've had it all but you let it slip away,
now that fame has escaped you, you'll regret it every day.

Chorus
The wasted superstar
The wasted superstar

Verse 2

Such a waste of life, it was just a matter of time
you couldn't resist, it was too good to miss, for such a petty crime.
Now your all locked up, with no-one to watch for you
Your vice was a one time thing, but you didn't have a clue.

Chorus
Your a waster
A wasted superstar

Bridge
Now your stuck in your cell block
with a backwards clock
everyone knows your business
they're all out to make amock
of you..........
the wasted talent
a superstar no more


Yeah cheers for your time, please tell me what you think!!
#2
I like it, but the word "now" makes a frequent appearance in your lyrics.
#4
Verse 1
What a wasted talent, you were gonna be a star
living it up in london town, chauffered from bar to bar.
You could've had it all but you let it slip away,
now that fame has escaped you, you'll regret it every day.

Nice, catchy sing-songy type of pop verse, I could see this coming off indie-rock with some decent guitar work behind it. I like how it flows and what it says.


Chorus
The wasted superstar
The wasted superstar

This could definately be evolved a little more. The verse vaugely tells what they did to become a wasted superstar, so use the chorus to explain what resulted because of it, use it to sum up your verses, and be descriptive.

Verse 2
Such a waste of life, it was just a matter of time
you couldn't resist, it was too good to miss, for such a petty crime.
Now your all locked up, with no-one to watch for you
Your vice was a one time thing, but you didn't have a clue.

This verse is a just as catchy in the first except in L2 i think that you should drop one of the two opening phrases, my choice would be the first one and just leave the line as "it was too good to miss, for such a petty crime".

Chorus
Your a waster
A wasted superstar

Same as above for this chorus

Bridge
Now your stuck in your cell block
with a backwards clock
everyone knows your business
they're all out to make amock
of you..........
the wasted talent
a superstar no more

This is a alright way to end this, I think L3 should fit the rhyme scheme if 1,2,and 4 rhyme. Unfortunately for everyone, this type of subject has been done to death, and who I am to down that because I wrote something similar. But you did do a decent job with it, I like your flow, and maybe if you develop the verses, and write a fuller chorus, they might be really good. If you choose to crit on of mine please crit "Vibe"... and good job keep writing...
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#5
pretty cool. sounds like it could be a catchy song but it doesnt seem like it has that much real meaning besides the literal, whihc isnt bad necessarily but its not going to be anything amazing like that. not bad tho
#6
Cheers for that sjada and punkrockconcept, i know what you mean, if has been done to death, but ah well, i'll take on board what you've said. With the chorus, i just made it up as i was typing it out from hand written, cos i had nothin else, its just a time filler i suppose.

Thanks for all your comments so far guys!!
#7
I think the verses are pretty good. I really like the "backwards clock" to describe time goin by slowly. I think that you definately need to expand the chorus though. Two lines really isnt enough. Maybe use those two lines as a bridge and then write a chorus afterwards?
Overall, pretty good though. Could you crit one of mine?
#9
Cheers less than dave, i do agree with what your saying, i just don't really know how to approach the chorus, hence why i came up with those two lines.

And thanks taylor8, glad to hear you like it!!