#1
Basically, these are ideas that'll be refined for when I have music written, but please look at it as a final song, 'cause I'll try not to change the lines too much. It's a prog-metal song, in the vein of Tool, in 11/4 time (counted on this particular occasion as 5/4 + 3/4 + 3/4), then shifts to 6/8 for "You could tell..." and all subsequent parts. So yeah, making these fit the music should be a DAMN GOOD time.

I want people to be able to interpret my work however they want, but you could look at this song as representing the breakdown of a relationship, and the epiphany that this person has when it's all over.


I watched a star tonight, as it opened up
And embraced a curtain of darkness
I watched a star tonight, as it sank within
The shrouds of those that cannot speak

Justify responses to whatever you say
Justify myself to whatever comes this way
This eternal line that lies between two truths
Blanketed, smothered by pure intentions

And I remove my finger from the hilt
Razor, precarious, balanced on lies
Pendulous gravitation, falling now
Straight through clouded eyes

You could tell that we fall together
Like the dynasties and empires
That shaped a tower of justice
Leaning, increasing degrees by hours
And one day, we’ll watch it crumble
With our clouded eyes

Having awoken from silence and death
I watch the stars as I ascend
Above and beyond all that I am
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Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame...
Incinerate!
Last edited by GarageGuitarist at Jan 23, 2007,
#2

I watched a star tonight, as it opened up
And embraced a curtain of darkness
I watched a star tonight, as it sank within
The shrouds of those that will not speak

I like repetition in this verse, it adds to the effect of the verse very well...

Justify responses to whatever you say
Justify myself to whatever comes this way
This eternal line that lies between two truths
Blanketed, smothered by pure intentions
love the repetition here too,. The imagery the imagry is beautiful

And I remove my finger from the hilt
Razor, precarious, balanced on lies
Pendulous gravitation, falling now
Straight through clouded eyes

You could tell that we fall together
Like the dynasties and empires
That shaped a tower of justice
Leaning, increasing degrees by hours
And one day, we’ll watch it crumble
With our clouded eyes

Love the images it creates.. wow and repeats clouded eyes.. a good conection between the metaphoric verse and the more realistic verse

Having awoken from silence and death
I watch the stars as I ascend
Above and beyond all that I am

I think this is brilliant, suits the tool style you've described.. Super writing i hope to hear it on an album 1 day
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