#1
This is my first attempt writing lyrics. . . let me fill you in on what I'm writing about. A year and a half ago I got really interested in this girl, so I ended up giving all my attention to her and lost my friends, and then we broke up just a few days ago. Simple, but whatever I just want to know if I should keep writing or not. It's incomplete by the way,

Is it was for real
So many around me
My heart was crushed
And I quit believing
The smile
That was on my face
Carries only cold
Do you even have meaning

How can I trust
What is there to love
Speak to my heart slowly
Or I won't understand
#2
Quote by PussCaterpillar
This is my first attempt writing lyrics. . . let me fill you in on what I'm writing about. A year and a half ago I got really interested in this girl, so I ended up giving all my attention to her and lost my friends, and then we broke up just a few days ago. Simple, but whatever I just want to know if I should keep writing or not. It's incomplete by the way,

Is it was for real
So many around me
My heart was crushed
And I quit believing
The smile
That was on my face
Carries only cold
Do you even have meaning

How can I trust
What is there to love
Speak to my heart slowly
Or I won't understand


Sorry, the first line of the song was "Is it for real," the was is there. . . I don't know why o.O
#3
there was some good lines in here, but i think it doesn't flow quite well. Maybe work on that a little bit. Crit mine.
#4
Quote by Solo Shine
there was some good lines in here, but i think it doesn't flow quite well. Maybe work on that a little bit. Crit mine.

Hmmm I was going for X Japan styled lyrics, the idea for these lyrics came from Art of Life, where the words don't flow that well either but the vocals are changed to fit the song.
#5
Quote by PussCaterpillar

How can I trust
What is there to love
Speak to my heart slowly
Or I won't understand


this is decent, exept for the last line, the verse is going fine, but then with the" or i wont understand" makes it sound like it was cut short, so mabe you could change it to.."

"How can I trust
What is there to love
Speak to my heart slowly
Or I won't ever know"

that way it doesnt really sound cut off.that way if u were to sing it, you could drag out the "know" alot more than the word "understand". but yea i think u should continue to write more.its pretty good.crit mine

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=513467