#1
Battle

Pointing fingers
Laying blame on me
Always my fault
Not a chance to breathe

Self-inflicted cataclysm
Need a way out of this schism

(Pre-chorus)
Why can’t I leave?
Why can’t I see?
What is this hand that holds me down?
(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)
One more step till nothingness
I wait for you to come and save me
You are my antidote
To this poison of a life I’ve known
(Chorus)

Always talking
Never saying anything
Turns to screaming
And I’m not amused

Spit the words out at me
I want to hear everything

(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)

Yeah!

(Solo: Jeff)

[Bass and Drums Break]

[Only Bass and Drums]

So turn the seasons on each other
I seem to be the only one
Who is secure enough to breathe

[Guitars come back]

(Solo: Ryan)

(Dual Guitars)

(Chorus)
One more step till I become
The animal that I have known
Can you help me get control?
Before I’m too weak to control myself

(Guitar Break)
#2
Quote by bound by metal
Battle

Pointing fingers
Laying blame on me
Always my fault
Not a chance to breathe

Not much to say to this. On first read it didn't grab me, but now I re-read it, I like the simplistic element of it, and I think that's perhaps the beauty of it.

Self-inflicted cataclysm
Need a way out of this schism

I liked this, but the second line seemed perhaps a syllable too long. I don't know if you've already got a melody it fits too, but I might suggest "Need an escape from this schism."?

(Pre-chorus)
Why can’t I leave?
Why can’t I see?
What is this hand that holds me down?
(Pre-chorus)

Again, the simplicity is nice, but I'm not sure if the "why" questions are a tad too simple. Again, it's a minor suggestion, but how about "Can't seem to leave, can't seem to see..." Also then it's not three questions in a row.

(Chorus)
One more step till nothingness
I wait for you to come and save me
You are my antidote
To this poison of a life I’ve known
(Chorus)

I like the first line very much. I think in the second line should be "I wait for you to come rescue me" instead of "come save me". The last two lines I have no problem with.

Always talking
Never saying anything
Turns to screaming
And I’m not amused

I like the "I'm not amused" very much, it's almost a tongue-in-cheek sort of statement and I REALLY like it!

Spit the words out at me
I want to hear everything

(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)

Yeah!

(Solo: Jeff)

[Bass and Drums Break]

[Only Bass and Drums]

So turn the seasons on each other
I seem to be the only one
Who is secure enough to breathe

I like this, but change the order of the first line to "So the seasons turn on each other." Not sure if this was a typo though! Perhaps change "secure" to "stable?"

[Guitars come back]

(Solo: Ryan)

(Dual Guitars)

(Chorus)
One more step till I become
The animal that I have known
Can you help me get control?
Before I’m too weak to control myself

No problems with this, my only recommendation is to change "get control" to "gain control", sounds a little classier.

(Guitar Break)



All in all I liked this very much. Sorry if it seems like I've criticised a lot, but as you'll see, they're only minor suggestions, barely even critcisms, to a piece that is great but just needs a little work.

See mine? Thanks - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=511289