#1
And so, after a long hiatus, my (slowly) progressing book concept gains another chapter/piece. Quite a dense piece despite its length.



The Trial


Assemble a faction of popular perjury
And call to the stand some unholy trinity:
The brigadier general, traitor, and son;
Witnesses present when all came undone.

Gather them all, the thieves and the lot –
Give them six feet of rope
And let them tie the knot,
Or line them all up,
Their backs to the wall,
They’ll need no blindfold
As they stare you down
Through empty sockets.

My pity goes out
to those who were outdone
As we prepare to hear
From witness number one.


Witness I

Innocence is gaseous
Yet guilt is liquid.
Justice is blind
And so is the id.

You call on me today to perform
Last rites on a nation;
To dissect a catastrophe
Born in desperation.

I have found that the culprit,
To no large surprise,
Sits not in this room;
He is not in disguise.
He had the bravado
To show himself in the light of day
Where we fought and where we prayed.


And now let me call out
To those who never knew
As we hear word from
Witness number two.


Witness II

The treacherous moderates
Consented no wrong
Yet stood there in wonder
When He came along.

He struck in their breasts
A dominant chord,
Surrendered their hearts
To the new-born lord.
So that they did rise up
And tear their world to shreds,
But now they must fall
To honour the dead.


And I, the barrister,
The schoolboy at the bar,
In scholarly robes,
As black as tar.
My thoughts go out
To those who were
Never able to see
As we prepare to hear
From witness number three.


Witness III

I forgive myself
For I have sinned
In raising a banner
To the great Western Wind.

I ask you to look about yourselves
Within and without
The pestilent blasphemy:
Denial of doubt.

There you may find
The source of our wrong;
The root of our fallen oak
Whose rancid acorns
Rest on hallowed ground.

Hence, one by one,
All shall come to see
Darkness in the heart of man
And guilt in tyranny.


And so ended the hearing
In Black September of the year
The jury read the verdict
As the world awoke with fear.
Just in time to see
Rays of immaculate light
Before their eyes began to roll
Writhing upon the gallows.
#2
Saw your piece floating around page 2, since I can't remember reading anything from you, I'll try to give this a crit. Sorry but I haven't read the ones before this, so I don't really know what the trials about.

I think you should re-work the first stanza, it wasn't a very strong opening in my opinion, but liked the second stanza, it was able to spark some emotion.

I really liked the way you had it set up, I also like how you introduced the next witness. This was interesting, but it's not something I'd usually enjoy reading, but this was pretty cool. I don't have any complaints or problems with it.

If you could please crit my latest "Struggle" links in my sig.
Last edited by stratkat at Jan 25, 2007,
#3
I can't offer anything, because I couldn't find much. I didn't on the whole get it, but I'll take what I want from it- your flow and vocabulary was impeccable though.

Really I just didn't want to see one of your pieces drop down with no critiques, and I'm sure there's others who would love to get stuck into this so I hope they see this, for you.

It's nice to see you still post, anyhow. Hope you vote in the Grand Comp Polls