#1
Try this one on for size.


The World Will Never Know

Born to a world that could never comprehend
Just what you had to offer
And your contribution to man
The world will never know

I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air

Your wisdom caught us off guard
As did your unspeakable acts
I only wish I could have changed your mind
And you wouldn't have left before your time

I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air
I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air
#2
kinda repetative....add more to it and it can be a pretty good song.
If to live is to die, then is to die to live? Thats a bunch of S_H_I_T.
#3
Quote by billdfish
Try this one on for size.


The World Will Never Know

Born to a world that could never comprehend
Just what you had to offer
And your contribution to man
The world will never know

The first line is good and interest is piqued in this first stanza as to what the story is, a good start

I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air

I'm not sure but I feel like your missing a syllable in the final line here, the rest is good and I like the imagery, maybe its the way I'm reading it but I just feel like your short 1 syllable in the last line.

Your wisdom caught us off guard
As did your unspeakable acts
I only wish I could have changed your mind
And you wouldn't have left before your time

I like the first two lines a lot, good imagery, the next two are little cliched but work fine, the first two lines are real good.

I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air
I reach out to you
In my time of dispair
Only to have your unreachable hand
Leave me grasping air


I like the repetition of the chorus at the end.
PLenty of interpretations for this, some more obvious than others. I like this piece, its left open to the reader/listener to discern the meaning themselves while still being simple enough for a layman to read somethign into it. Well done.

Cheers
-Sam
Winners are those who refuse to be beaten

Imagination on a Screen

Please crit my latest work! Crit for crit of course.

Or hear my demo recordings at Myspace
#4
In a neat way it kinda sounds both religous and personal, but that's just my opinion. There are too many images apparently though, which you went for and somehow the quality gets dininshed somewhat. I'll agree that there's some repetition ... and you might also need to make some new additions to it. Because each verse sort of leaves the reader wanting for more, all you gotta do is quench that need. Good one.
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.
#5
Thank you all for the crits. I'm glad you liked it. For myself, it is more of a personal experience but others have brought up the religious undertones. I may make some revisions, if so I'll post them here. I'll return the crits shortly. And thanks again.