#1
where are yr books, darling?
what happened to yr hide of unrest?
has this hibernation of ethics
left yr anarchy as a vain dream?
do you hide yr ideals in
memories, of dinosaurs and grade school crushes?
is my existence childish to you?
are my molotovs just a name for yr liquid retreat?

yr hearts use to bleed change,
but now yr love is just a script.
i miss you.
Last edited by pixiesfanyo at Jan 26, 2007,
#5
Quote by Satch_Boogie
Frickin hell, write properly. Apart from the extremely annoying "yr" that was decent.

Ya that kinda put me off...
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#6
the use of "yr" pissed me off at first,
but when i read it a second time,
for some reason, it didn't bother me at all.

but even then, i don't think this was
one of your better pieces, jared.
it seemed too simplistic for the style
that you seemed to be going for,
and although it wasn't really cliche,
it wasn't as original as you usually are.

i also don't like the way you ended it.
i don't really know why i didn't like it.
but it just seemed a bit ineffective.

I just want to sleep forever.


#8
Heh, thanks for sayin it for me...

Kidding. I really liked this one. The use of the "yr" and then the "you" at the end really worked, I think. So I would keep it. I thought it was wierd in the first line and then when I got to the second line and saw that it went from meaning "year" to "your" I got the joke, as it were. So yeah, I think it all totally works. Good job.

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#10
for me when I see yr I pronounce it yer and when I see your I pronounce it.. you know, like your. it's voice
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#11
Quote by less than that
for me when I see yr I pronounce it yer and when I see your I pronounce it.. you know, like your. it's voice


There are far more effective ways to write it if it's about pronunciation. I know it's not though. It's probably used to show the kind of immaturity aspect of this piece...
#14
'are my molotovs just a name for yr liquid retreat?'

This is a really good line. The rest is good. But this is a really good line. Like, consider writing a new song, and doing it around this line.


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#15
Quote by screamsoftly
'are my molotovs just a name for yr liquid retreat?'

This is a really good line. The rest is good. But this is a really good line. Like, consider writing a new song, and doing it around this line.


but, the whole piece is centered around the death of revolution. so that's already been done.