#1
I've spent the majority of my life on the
thought that to die is to fuck your nausea out.
Artist's speak from the hips:
"Fuck your cock shit."
Amateurs!
Bloody amateurs.
Within four drinks their shaking their blood and stripping
down to their veins.
I can drink until they find 2% blood in my alcohol.
If I lifted a rock out of my back yard I'd find them all
underneath it.
The ping of the snares and the hiss of electric guitars
foreshadow the arrival of dronax's on sweat-dripped
and throbbing hot stars.
When everything is described as touching.
When the critic's traps are based on quirkiness.
I can't tell who's a superhero and who's a villain anymore:
The Bloodenator.
The Platinum Skull.
Madcore.

"I'd like to cast myself now for the feature:
Jason Robards as my old soul.
Gael Garcia Bernal as my wreckless teenage days."
We've been labeled as white noise.
Everything is labeled as white noise.
When the moon falls into the ocean and lays low the Sydney
Opera House.
It's all just white noise.
The sound of your heels.
The sound of jowls ripping flags.
The sound of us fucking.
White noise.
Poor advice.
#2
This poem.
White noise.

That is, if white noise can be used as a substitute for a description such as "fu-ckin-a that was bad-ass to the core."

Everything from the title (although I couldn't relate it to the piece itself) on down to the last line was completely acedly written.

There wasn't a single line I felt could use revision or could be replaced or removed altogether.

One of my favorites of yours for sure. Very much enjoyed that.
#3
Thanks.

Yeah, kind of a return to form. I've been stuck in this diary-like "prose" phase, and it's good to step out of that and work on something more difficult like I tend to do.
Poor advice.
#4
I'm with BPC, this was one of my favourites on here I've read from you, and pretty much puts you in like, my top 3 writers on the forum- not that that probably means much to you.

Ntpickingly, I think the only thing I can try and critique, is some people may find it hard to relate to your writing because of the numerous cultural references in them- however even not knowing some of them I can appreciate your pieces, I'm just trying to give you something here, 'cos this piece was flawless.

If you could leave a comment on my latest, in my sig, it would be appreciated. Many thanks.
#5
this is a favourite. nice read. very descriptive, i think you
have achieved
the
NEW
LEVEL
OF
UNIQUE
WWRRIITTIINNGG!!

though im out of the loop on references.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

-Phyllis Diller