#1
Brazen to ash, these tears dry
Hungry heathens making fun of my plight
Losing patience the glow now fades
No more sun drops to fill inside
Redemption’s not my key to hate
Just pickled remorse infecting this pain
…Pouring rain only dims this sight
For I still see her fading in my hands…

This Leviathan’s a burden on pride
Her dismay she no longer hides
Pretensions now lose façade
But her grief adopts another disguise
My coven’s blind, I cannot blend
It can’t be her slipping from my reach
…Pouring rain only dims this sight
For I still see her fading in my hands…

Limp as papyrus, she heaves no sigh
Simply no more hurt left inside
This was my suffering self respect
Who I forfeited to my bludgeoned trice
I’ll seek her out within my essence
But who’ll find me again?
…Pouring rain only dims this sight
For I still see her fading in my hands…
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.
#2
I like this a lot. The word choice is excellent. 'Brazen to ashes' provides a nice visual. 'Limp as papyrus, she heaves no sigh', is also a really great line.

I think it was easy to see what you were trying to go for with this, in terms of meaning and things like that.

Yeah, definitely very good.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#5
nice peice of work, you can tell that you are an intelligent writer, i really enjoyed reading this, especially the line "But her grief adopts another disguise" i love that line, anyways..if you want...check out my song, Fall Back To You
My Gear:
Washburn Lyon Tele Copy
ESP LTD MH250NT
Samick D7-CE :
Digitech Death Metal Pedal
Dunlop Jimi Hendrix Wah
Peavy Renown Solo Series Amp
#6
Thanks folks, I'm glad y'all enjoyed it.

ragglefraggle - not dumb. Just the imagery's blurred. With time you'll see clearly, we all do.
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.