#1
i remember when you'd listen
to my fingernails breaking
from trying to scratch
a picture of a snake
into a turtle shell,
and you'd remind me
that they'd grow back.
but then you became
an emperor penguin,
and inhaled neon smoke
instead of oxygen.
your words used to come out
as green hard candy,
but you threw up yr vwls
nd yr wrds lst ll mnng,
nd thr ws jst hl whr
yr mth sd t b.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Jan 27, 2007,
#3
Well, I won't really say it sucks. It's interesting in it's own particular way. I thought at first it seemed a bit Nirvana-ish, but then I changed my mind, your writing is sorta different and it's another style. But how could it be a lyric and be so short at the same time (not to mention, how would you manage the absence of 'vwls' in the song) ? I dunno, but if you've got a tune tucked somewhere in your mind, I'm sure you'll be able to manage that because I'd definitely like to hear it someday. If somebody can get away with, "Free speech for the dumb" countless times in one song, why can't you?

If possible, have a look at my song.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=513368
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.
#5
'it's not a lyric.
it's just a poem
Your crit is barbaric
And your apathy too ronin'

Is that how you attempted to rhyme me?

lol man, sorry just couldn't resist. It kinda looked there for a second you were beginning another poem.

But seriously, now it makes more sense.
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.
#6
Quote by Gilead
lol man, sorry just couldn't resist. It kinda looked there for a second you were beginning another poem.

ahaha no.

I just want to sleep forever.


#8
The penguin seemed kind of random, and that's saying something considering the rest of this. I really like it, though. The end is quite nice.
-Landon
#9
emperor penguins huddle together
in packs of about 3000 to stay warm.

make of that what you will

I just want to sleep forever.


#10
Ah, I see. When you started out with snakes and turtles and whatnot, I was getting some mythical fairytale vibes. Then a mother****ing penguin comes along.
-Landon
#13
Perhaps, but afterwards I'll be off to get some pussy, while you write about the encounter.

www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#14
no way.

those penguins are fucking vicious.
and. they'd totally poke your eyes out.
and then, you couldn't see where you
were going, and you'd trip and impale
yourself on a sharp, pointy piece of ice,
and you'd lie there, bleeding, dying a
slow and painful death, and then the
penguins would come and poop on you.

SO THERE. I WIN.

I just want to sleep forever.


#15
Quote by Grovermans
no way.

those penguins are fucking vicious.
and. they'd totally poke your eyes out.
and then, you couldn't see where you
were going, and you'd trip and impale
yourself on a sharp, pointy piece of ice,
and you'd lie there, bleeding, dying a
slow and painful death, and then the
penguins would come and poop on you.

SO THERE. I WIN.


i love this piece
perfect rhetoric
#17
cn't rd ths wtht th vwls, spclly ths t th bggnnng f wrd, s t's prtty stpd spclly snc Fll t By jst dd t ftr rppng f Brnd Nw
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#19
NU UH I DON'T.

plus, brand new doesn't actually use it in any
of their songs. just on like. the shirt and stuff.

I just want to sleep forever.