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#1
...but I self-harmed again this evening. I just couldn't take it any longer.

I saw my stepdad for the first time in a month today, exactly a month after he tried to kill my mum. It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done, and I just wanted to get away... but I couldn't.

The home situation has been awful. The police have been coming around all the time, everyone's been irritable and at each others' throats, and it's been killing me inside every day. I just wish it could all be over, but it can't.

And to top it off, it turns out I've seriously injured my back and I may have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair... and give up guitar. I can still walk, but it puts me in unbearable pain. I tried to walk from here to the bathroom, and I ended up collapsing in agony.

I have no job, no employment and and a disabled mother. I feel totally and utterly hopeless and alone... and the scars are too large and in such a large abundance to hide... I just feel like dying.
#2
I know it's probably good to get that off your chest to an extent, Aidy, but I think you need professional advice here.

The collective IQ of UG is unlikely to find the solutions (or even abstain from making poorly timed jokes).


My thoughts, however, are with you.
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#3
All you'll get from people here are "Buttsex" etc. Seek humane people.
#5
Quote by Zuka
All you'll get from people here are "Buttsex" etc. Seek humane people.



+1

there are plenty of people out there that will actually help you rather than immature kids on an internet site

but yea, that sucks
#6
You need to get help, not from ug. 14 year olds giving advice is bad news.


But cutting yourself wont solve any problems. You need to at least be positve as bad as the situation is. Being down and hurting yourself wont make you feel better.

Seriously go talk to somebody even somebody at your school.
#7
Talk to someone about it. I'm sure you have plenty of friends who would listen.
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#8
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#9
Damn, man... I feel really bad for you. If you want some one to talk to, you can IM me on MSN Messenger, and I'll try to be there for you.

I agree with cagnius though, there's not much that we can do (altough I do understand you posting this here)...

My thoughts are with you too.
#10
dude, that sounds like some hectic shit, but like the guy above here said, UG was probably not the place to share it, though i think your stories deep enough to scare off anyone from saying something stupid
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#11
Quote by cagnius
I know it's probably good to get that off your chest to an extent, Aidy, but I think you need professional advice here.

The collective IQ of UG is unlikely to find the solutions (or even abstain from making poorly timed jokes).


My thoughts, however, are with you.


I agree with this guy.
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#12
Quote by cagnius
I know it's probably good to get that off your chest to an extent, Aidy, but I think you need professional advice here.

The collective IQ of UG is unlikely to find the solutions (or even abstain from making poorly timed jokes).


My thoughts, however, are with you.




What he said.

Also, yeah ok so I've never been in your position (or anything like it), but I don't think self-harm will help.

It's also unlikely that you'll have to spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. How'd you fuck up your back?
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#13
I'm really sorry for you This is not best place for advice, please get help.
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#14
Cant really help you on the self harm thing, ive been there, hard to get any help, atleast for me it was.
But with the back thing i would reccomend resting it as much as possible dont move unless you really have to, though i suppose you already know that.
#15
There's bound to be an asshole who's going to make fun of you for some reason...But go seek some professional help. UG is the furthest thing from what you really need.
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#16
Quote by aixelsydevahi
Talk to someone about it. I'm sure you have plenty of friends who would listen.

x2 but seeing as I'm talking to you on MSN and you don't want to tell your friends, do it anyway. I'm sure if they are your friends they will listen, if not they aren't your friends.
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#17
I'm thinking of you


I didn't really give a shit until I saw it was you man, what happened to your back?
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#18
Please, please seek professional help, I will pray for you and hopefully things will eventually turn around for the better. If your step father really tried to hurt your mother you really need to get away from him and get law enforcement on his ass.

-Your friend Nick
#19
Speak to someone about it Aidy to try and sort it out, have a chat with you mum or even your best friends. I hope things turn out better and my thoughts are with you too Aidy.
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#20
Quote by hamish5178
I'm thinking of you


I didn't really give a shit until I saw it was you man, what happened to your back?


My baby brother got out of his car seat, and I twisted round from the passenger seat to help him back in, and I twisted my spine... on my birthday. Now it feels like my lower back is detached from the top part. And this was a month ago so it's gotten worse.

Thanks for all your support... I realise that cutting is as much of an addiction as alcohol and smoking, and I need professional help. I'm just scared. I don't want my mum knowing, or anyone in my family for that matter. My mum isn't the most open-minded person about these things.
#21
Quote by Aidy Damage
My baby brother got out of his car seat, and I twisted round from the passenger seat to help him back in, and I twisted my spine... on my birthday. Now it feels like my lower back is detached from the top part. And this was a month ago so it's gotten worse.

Thanks for all your support... I realise that cutting is as much of an addiction as alcohol and smoking, and I need professional help. I'm just scared. I don't want my mum knowing, or anyone in my family for that matter. My mum isn't the most open-minded person about these things.


Ouch man. Did you twist around 180 degrees or in a really awkward position? Maybe you should see a therapist, or something. My thoughts are with you man.
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#22
Quote by cagnius
I know it's probably good to get that off your chest to an extent, Aidy, but I think you need professional advice here.

The collective IQ of UG is unlikely to find the solutions (or even abstain from making poorly timed jokes).


My thoughts, however, are with you.


I couldn't have said it better myself...

I hope everything turns out good somehow though, even if it might not seem like it at the moment
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oh my.
you poor soul.
i'll go and slit my wrists for you so you dont have to.


#23
talking to someone about self-harm, either professional or someone close, will be a big step towards helping yourself stop. all i can really offer you are my thoughts and i seriously hope things get better for you in time.
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#24
Aidy, you're one of my favorite people on this site, and however little internet relationships mean, I sincerely hope you pull through this. Good luck, man.
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#25
You think YOU'VE got problems? Haven't you seen christ_on_acid?'s thread? Don;t complain until you've seen his thread.


Na man, I'm just kidding. I don't know you very well, but I've seen you around here a few times. Even if you just talk to a student councilor or something, it'll help you out. I hope you pull through this man, best of luck to you.
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#26
a twisted back shouldn't put you in a wheelchair. get a physical therapist they really help. a teacher at my school (who's at least 68) got hit head on by a car while bikeing, and with physical therapy, he's back at school; not teaching, but he's walking around just fine.

anyways, good luck pulling through all this. being a noob i don't know you that well, but you seem like a really nice guy who definetely doesn't deserve all that shit.
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#27
I really admire your honesty, seeing as you frequent the site a lot.

Hope it gets better for you, whatever you decide to do and whatever cards fate deals you.
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Last edited by monkey of doom at Jan 28, 2007,
#29
It's okay to take your own life while you're still in control. Only that will prove you still have any willpower left. Sorry.
Dead soldier! Go now to Valhalla!
#30
That's not good to hear man, I hope things get better. What makes it so you can't play guitar?
Also, There is probably some kind of specialists that could help your back.

Remember that their ARE a few people on UG that you can talk to and be there for you when you need it.
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#31
That sucks dude.

But here in the Pit, you'll get a "buttsecks", the infamous "You're Gonna Get Raped" picture and an "emo fag, go kill yourself" comment.

But before that, lemme just say, get some help, I'm praying for you and I hope it's alright soon enough.
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#32
First rule of being Emo: self pity
Second rule of being Emo: Tell everyone about it

ps, i was serious, if you cant play guitar i want your hellraiser, i'll even listen to your poems as well as cash for it
#33
dude, stick in there..theres always someone worse. you have people who love you still. hope you pull though


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#34
Quote by kurosawa
First rule of being Emo: self pity
Second rule of being Emo: Tell everyone about it

ps, i was serious, if you cant play guitar i want your hellraiser, i'll even listen to your poems as well as cash for it

**** off you prick leave him alone stupid asshole
dude that sucks id go see some one about it and go to a hospital about your back
#37
Quote by Aidy Damage
My baby brother got out of his car seat, and I twisted round from the passenger seat to help him back in, and I twisted my spine... on my birthday. Now it feels like my lower back is detached from the top part. And this was a month ago so it's gotten worse.

Thanks for all your support... I realise that cutting is as much of an addiction as alcohol and smoking, and I need professional help. I'm just scared. I don't want my mum knowing, or anyone in my family for that matter. My mum isn't the most open-minded person about these things.



aidy, you don't have to tell your mum if you don't want to, but maybe getting help would be a good idea. i know how scary it is, but trust me, not getting help of your own volition and waking up in hospital with your mum and a doctor throwing questions at you and forcing you to see a shrink is a lot more scary. you're an awesome guy, please take care of yourself and i know i'm not good at the whole talking thing, but you can talk to me anytime you want.
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#38
get your mind off it, bro. listen to some music, play some video games, have a friend come over just to be with you. you gotta do everything you can to feel better
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#39
You won't end up in a wheelchair, i know i'll get flamed, but stop being so ****ing dramatic.

See a therapist, they'll get you in touch with a physiotherapist.

Don't self harm. You think that'll make things better? At a guess you haven't even lived a half of the average human lifetime. That means that statistically you haven't heard your favourite piece of music yet, you haven't met your best friend yet, your soul mate yet, new things are always round the corner. Don't waste the gift of life.
#40
There's probably nothing that I can say that will make you feel amazingly better but just hang in there...life's full of obstacles like this and being able to overcome them will make you a stronger person for the future.

Best wishes matey.
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