#1
Please Digress

impaction upon concretion of the lumbar stressae
leads the problem upward,
causing malign migraines.
in an instance,
the chest can implode upon itself.

maturity comes with age,
much as likelihood of death.
bodies degrade.
minds grow slowly and increasingly inane.
we mundanely repeat patterns which
matter to no one,
but feel so damn significant
each reverberating day.

in the event your chest implodes upon itself:
in an instance,
all those malign migraines
and your stressed lumbar
and the mundane patterns of life you call your "life"
are made insignificant.
the result of centuries you had dedicated
to building a persona so well-respected
is a death upon a bed
and eternal rest;
well-earned,
please digress.
#2
excellent, love the description
Quote by yawn
Wikipedia articles are my inspiration.


www.myspace.com/symmetry4321

Custom Strat
Roland Cube 30 (soon upgrading to Peavy Valveking 112)
Danelectro FAB Metal
Marshall VT-1

RIP Chris Benoit
#3
what do you mean by malign migraines?
malign is to slander right?

so... causing migraines to slander...?

no offense meant just asking what you meant..
#5
for this:
"and the mundane patterns of life you call your "life""

if you can find any way to not use 'life' twice in the same line, it'd be great. But if not, its all good. Very good man.
Quote by Ghost_bass
did anyone see the new cheerios that have been put out? the're fruity flavored. so basicly its a ripoff of fruitloops.


Quote by Twist of fate
No they're gay cheerios
Last edited by fadetoblackjc at Jan 29, 2007,
#6
what about mundane pattersn of 'living' that you call your life??

just an idea

i think this piece is excellent anyway
www.freewebs.com/silentproject
#7
I love your writing.

It reads like an information pamphlet on the realities of life. Seriously, I love the tone you have set on your pieces, and the whole authority I feel I have to listen to. As a reader it makes you feel the writer knows what he is talking about and knows everything, that is how powerful I read it as.

I can only find the double "life", but even that I feel adds to the piece.

In my sig, if you could. Many thanks.

I'm Jamie, by the way. I don't think I've really met you yet
#8
fadetoblack - the repetition of "life" in the same line is to symbolically emphasize the repetition of things we do in life.

tsp - ditto, and thanks.

jamie, thanks man, and no we've never been formally introduced but i've certainly known of you and read some of your work. im blake if you didnt already know.

thanks for the good word, everyone. would love to hear more as im fairly proud of this piece. working on returning comments if you leave something worth being repaid, that is.
#9
well blake, a style that I am not really use to from you, but I feel you really hit the nail on the head with this one. I thought the last stanza held everything up before it nicely, and your word dictation fit my tastes ver well. A really enjoyable read.
#11
beautiful writing, i really liked it, great use of words.
My Gear:
Washburn Lyon Tele Copy
ESP LTD MH250NT
Samick D7-CE :
Digitech Death Metal Pedal
Dunlop Jimi Hendrix Wah
Peavy Renown Solo Series Amp
#12
thanks everyone, ive been in DC for a week so I don't even know who I owe and who I don't..
#13
well...i haven't been here in ages and i saw a familiar name so i thought i'd take a looksy

i like the changes in your writing it's a lot different. some things never change though. i couldn't critique this even if i wanted to it's awesome!

great stuff, like old times, great stuff
when was the last time you looked in the mirror?
because you've changed...
#14
Dearest Blake,

The beginning of the 3rd stanza could be worked on, Although I do dig how you tried to go through it backwards. Other than that, pretty solid.
Agghh skeet, skeet, crit me, skeet, skeet!
#15
the only problem i have is with the "life" line.
but it's not the repetition of "life". it's just.
the line just doesn't seem to fit and it seems
badly written compared to the rest of this.

I just want to sleep forever.