#1
This is a slower pansy rock song, sounds like snow patrol or augustana with a light verse then a bridge that builds up to a wall of sound chorus, so far i've only written the guitar part but i picture it with piano in my head, lemme know what you think please...

Letter to a Ghost
(verse 1)
there's a letter in my head
and i swear it says i miss you
but i'll never write it down
i can't bear for it to reach you

you're gone to me forever
as you're living on the coast
it's so cold up in the north
and to me you're just a ghost

you said we'd be together
until the end of time
but your watch must be broken
cause there's still plenty left on mine

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

...oh god

...i miss you

(verse 2)
but what the letter in my head
wants so badly just to scream
will never be let out
and will just remain a dream

i wish the worms would come
but still i pray they never do
my fickle mind just can't decide
what i wish for you

cause i wanna hold you close
but you ran so far away
you left the state and left me here
with nothing else to say

but i miss you

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

...i miss you

...oh god

...i missed you

(short verse 3)
that letter was so long
but it gets shorter every month
as your memory fades so do you
and i can't remember much

i threw away your notes
i burnt all the picture frames
to forget your eyes and dry up mine
but i'll never forget your name

(outro)
i missed you... oh yeah
and i'll miss you... oh yeah

but i don't miss you
...now
Last edited by bmac85 at Jan 31, 2007,
#2
This song was absolutely amazing.

you have some serious skill in writing.

the only thing i didnt like was the bridges.

but it was still amazing and worth a 10/10
#3
Quote by bmac85
This is a slower pansy rock song, sounds like snow patrol or augustana with a light verse then a bridge that builds up to a wall of sound chorus, so far i've only written piano and guitar parts for it, lemme know what you think please...

Letter to a Ghost
(verse 1)
there's a letter in my head
and i swear it says i miss you
but i'll never write it down
i can't bear for it to reach you

Excellent start, creates emotion straight away, this is a great opening.

you're gone to me forever
as you're living on the coast
it's so cold up in the north
and to me you're just a ghost

Ah i see an influence from 'The Fray' or 'Snow Patrol' here, but I really like this stanza as well

you said we'd be together
until the end of time
but your watch must be broken
cause there's still plenty left on mine

Terrific, really really excellent, love the metaphor of the watch, absolutely loving this.

(bridge)
...oh god

...i miss you

...yeah i miss you

Ummm, yeah not quite as good as the first verse... pretty standard, don't let me down, i have very high expectations after the first verse

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

Not the best stanza in the verses so far, its not bad but not wonderful like the first 3

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

Better than the last but you've dropped off from the very high standard in the first verse

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

I like this, this is back at the standard of the first verse, good job, this is great.

...oh god

...i miss you

(verse 2)
but what the letter in my head
wants so badly just to scream
will never be let out
and will remain only a dream

great stanza although the last line sounds a bit off to me, maybe try 'remaining just a dream'?

i wish the worms would come
but still i pray they never do
my fickle mind just can't decide
what i wish for you

Not as good as earlier but still alright, I think you set the bar very high in the first verse

cause i wanna hold you close
but you ran so far away
you left the state and left me here
with nothing else to say

Yeah this is abit same old-same old. Seriously if this was at the level of the first verse you would have a deadset winner

...but i miss you

...oh god

...i miss you

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

...i miss you

...oh god

...i missed you

(short verse 3)
that letter was so long
but it gets shorter every month
as your memory fades so do you
and i can't remember much

Excellent stanza, you're back at the level this should be

i threw away your notes
i burnt all the picture frames
to forget your eyes and dry up mine
but i'll never forget your name

I like this, great finish to the verse, awesome

(outro)
i missed you... oh yeah
and i'll miss you... oh yeah

but i don't miss you now



Good finish, slight change to the bridge.
This was really awesome, first and 3rd verses were great, chorus was pretty good, bridges weren't so flash. Still this was a pretty awesme song and it was a pleasure to read.
Please check out mine, "Good Company" theres a link in my sig.
Cheers
-Sam
Winners are those who refuse to be beaten

Imagination on a Screen

Please crit my latest work! Crit for crit of course.

Or hear my demo recordings at Myspace
#5
Id give it a full crit, but Mr. Murray up above me, pretty much said what I would have said, keep up the good work, I wanna read some more of your stuff so I think I'll check out that Sunday Afternoon one as well... Thanks for the crit...
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#6
i enjoyed that, very good
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Quote by somewhat_here

i wish i was fat so i can buy xxl clothes during liquidation
#7
Quote by bmac85

Letter to a Ghost
(verse 1)
there's a letter in my head
and i swear it says i miss you
but i'll never write it down
i can't bear for it to reach you

you're gone to me forever
as you're living on the coast
it's so cold up in the north
and to me you're just a ghost

you said we'd be together
until the end of time
but your watch must be broken
cause there's still plenty left on mine

///Good start setting up the plot and slapping down a metaphor, I really like the last stanza

(bridge)
...oh god

...i miss you

...yeah i miss you
///Insert Jimmy Page-esque riff here

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

...oh god

...i miss you

(verse 2)
but what the letter in my head
wants so badly just to scream
will never be let out
and will remain only a dream

i wish the worms would come
but still i pray they never do
my fickle mind just can't decide
what i wish for you

cause i wanna hold you close
but you ran so far away
you left the state and left me here
with nothing else to say

...but i miss you

...oh god

...i miss you

(chorus)
sometimes you'll be heavy
sometimes you'll be light
but i'll carry you along
for the rest of my life

no weight on my shoulders
its only on my mind
and i wish i could forget you
and leave you behind

in the past but in the present
i'm wasting all my time
with your picture on my dresser
and tears swelling my eyes

...i miss you

...oh god

...i missed you

(short verse 3)
that letter was so long
but it gets shorter every month
as your memory fades so do you
and i can't remember much

i threw away your notes
i burnt all the picture frames
to forget your eyes and dry up mine
but i'll never forget your name
///Good build up to the outro

(outro)
i missed you... oh yeah
and i'll miss you... oh yeah

but i don't miss you now
///Perfect place to end


Congratulations, you have a really solid song going for you...

{First Songwriting Attempt}


Gear:
Ernie Ball Musicman LTD ED Rosewood
Peavey JSX Head/Cab
Crybaby Wah

Pearl Drums (Remo Heads)
Fender Bass/Amp