#1
I have some poems slash lyrics i have been working on and i have a mess of them and i would like some helpful critiques.... anything would help... if your going to bash them in anyway please dont post... im looking to improve thanks....


Poem one

I don't know how to start this
I don't want to say good bye
But it's probably for the best
And I know you know why

I can't believe that you could do this
I can't believe you can cause me this much pain
You have no idea how much it hurts
I'd rather die than feel this ache

You blow it off like it's nothing at all
To me it means much more
This happens way too much
I'm not taking the blame like I always did before

I considered you a best friend
No, cross that, more like a sister
To even look back at what you've done
God, it's like salt on a blister

I can't look you in the face anymore
And tell you that I love you
Because I'd be lying to myself
And I can no longer trust you

I'm sick of being the doormat
I'm tired of being the one who cares more
I'm exhausted of this friendship
Let me just show you to the door

I wish we could've worked this out
But then again, I really wish we don't
Because I don't need more pain added onto my life
I'd rather be left alone

I can't put on a smile and say I'm happy
I'm upset but you would never tell
You think I wanted this to happen?
You meant more to me than I could ever tell

I swear, you were my first priority
I would've taken a bullet for you in an instant
I would've died for you any day
But now I've become resistant

I really will miss you
And I wonder why I ever cared
I'm scared of ever trusting anyone else
Our friendship was so rare

I hope you know that you were my best friend
Tonight I said goodbye
But I have one last thing to say
Thanks for the best time of my life.


poem 2

As I sit in the corner, singing myself to sleep
Wrapped in all the promises that no one seems to keep
I no longer cry to myself, no tears left away
Just a book with empty pages and feelings gone a stray

Why was there so much hurt and pain
What did she have to gain
I’m filled with fear
As they drip down tear by tear

I think of all the good memories of our past
But there swepted away with painful ones just to fast
my cold face has yet to cry
As i pull the gun closer and closer and wonder why

i sit there and wonder what’s to come
As if in a trance i cant stop
i take one last look at the scars on my heart
And the tears begin to pour down my face ripped apart

The gun is at my temple
I have cried my last tear
No one will touch me
The pain will stop and it will all be over

As I hold my head up and tears down my face stream
I die inside and wish it was all a dream
Because of her, my problems grow bigger
And I say im sorry to those who cared as i pull the trigger

poem 3

You sit there crying
not knowing if you'll live
to see the next day
afraid your heart will give,

Keeping your head up
to see things as new
you keep telling yourself
to never stop but always push through,

When the next day comes
you feel close to death
finding yourself out of place
and a shortness of breath,

But yet your still walking
never showing fear
and never giving in
the future still not clear,

People all around
saying they'll be there
but your still not sure
if the moment comes, if they care,

You know they will
but its the look they give you
that worries you greatly
and makes you think of what to do,

So when the night came
when laying in the bed
you see her in the corner
hoping this isn't the end,

Your heart starts to slow down
so she walks just as planned
you both smile and cry
and you die holding her hand.

poem 4

Fights and battles, battles and fights,
Absolute terror throughout the night.

Watching my life, wither away,
Breaking, piece by piece, day by day.

From the darkness the demons come,
Not all at once, but one by one.

Lacking the wisdom that God supplies,
They lure me in with all their lies.

Just like a boxing match I fight each round,
As the bell dings with its echoing sound.

First comes temptation, it’s coming to deceive,
He disguises himself, so I fail to see.

He brings me in, with all his lies and his traps,
And almost defeats me when something just snaps.

The demon gets terrified as he looks up,
And sees Jesus standing there, filling my cup.

Temptation is defeated, and I’m free at last,
All of a sudden, another demon is cast!

Here comes pain, with heartaches and sorrows,
Making me feel, there’s no tomorrow.

My friends all leave me and say they don’t care,
They spread rumors and pretend I’m not there.

In my times of loneliness, God was all I had,
So I reached out to Him, when everything was bad.

The demon realized he'd failed once again,
For I turned to Jesus, and not to him.

The battle’s not over, they have one more shot,
As one more demon comes forth with a new plot.

One of my friends say they tried taking their life,
Taking my happiness and giving me strife.

poem 5

She's back on the drugs again
Though she knows it isn't right
Every day's another battle
Every day's another fight

She was doing oh so well
Following all her dreams
But underneath the surface
Nothing is what it seems

She had the perfect boyfriend
Perfect job and perfect friends
But everybody knows that
All good things come to an end

She sits alone in her room
Reminiscing about the past
She just wants to get away
Times changing way to fast

She's back on the drugs again
Though she knows it isn't right
Closing her eyes against the pain
Giving up without a fight
I hate your soul
#2
They make pills for this,ya know! ( just kiddin!) Very good...may have a blues idea for this one,ya think? May be a G#minor perhaps?