#1
Nothing special just wrote it in the middle of class just to kill some time. But I'd still like some crits


When I Gained My Dignity

Verse 1:
When I had low self-esteem
When no one gave me any respect
People just stood and looked through me
When I told the girl I loved her
She just up, and left
When she broke my heart
And left me suffering from my scars

Chorus:
I decided to come out of the shadows
Defeat the demons behind the window
It was the first time I stood up for something
So in turn I gained my self-esteem and dignity

Verse 2:
I never turned down a fight
Instead I lived my life
People saw fire burning in my eyes
The girl I used to love
Dared to walk up
She said she wanted me back
I told her that's too damn bad

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
Melted the ice
Started the fire
Quit, quitting
Started finishing
And chased my desires

(Repeat Chorus X2)

Outro:
Even though I gained respect
I'm left with a broken heart
And an infinite number of scars

PLZ crit
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


Last edited by popeye100 at Jan 30, 2007,
#2
"decided to come out of the shadows
Defeat the demons behind the window"
and the bridge are cool. its pretty good, especially since you did it during class.
Nerdo-sez-bo wrote:

Bon Jovi can just **** off really.

Life is one big question when your starin at the clock
And the answers always waiting at the liquor store, 40 oz to Freedom
#3
Thnx man appreciate it
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#4
dont really have time for a full crit...

just one thing that kinda made me laugh...
"I grew twice my size
Lost my embarrassment"
it sounds like a penis reference there, sure its not intentional and maybe im just really immature so im the only one who would notice it... but still lol might want to change that.

and i dont like line 3 either, its a bit long and i think you could find something better to show people were scared... i dont know what to suggest though.

Bridge is really good and the chorus.
#5
AHHHHHHHHH! OMG Stona your right I'll change it
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#6
ok I fixed it so now what do you guys think
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#8
i agree with the person above me, excellent writing for just a quick little go at it.....i liked it.
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#9
Thnx guys i might just put it to music. Maybe I'll take ARCTrooper's advice and make it sound kinda like Staind's music
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!