#1
Hey guys, well this is my first ever song that Ive written. It doesnt really capture any of my deep emotions as I was just bored today and decided to write. So any constructive criticism is welcome! Thanks.

[U]Set Free[/U]
Tempo=96-100

(1st verse)
D
I sit at home alone
G
Waiting for you to call
D
I hear nothing but the pipes
A
Creaking in the wall

 (2nd verse)
D
I get up to grab a drink
G
There goes the phone, it rings
D
I stand there in the silence
A             D
But I don’t do a thing

(pre-chorus)
A                                   E
I know everything’s happens for a reason
A            A (barre chord)
Nothing’s a mistake

(chorus)
D                           C
And I’m left standing here, waiting
      G               D
For you to come and rescue me
D
Yet I don’t know what you’re thinking
       G   A              D                                         
Cause I need to be set free

(3rd verse)
D
I pick up the phone
G
Hear your voice on the other end
D
I cut in and tell you
A                D
To be a better friend

(bridge)
Bm                   E 
You are holding me back  (x3)
G                     A (barre chord)
From what there is for me



So thats it, pretty simple, very beginnerish, but ya. Here is the order of my song:

Intro
1st Verse
2nd Verse
Pre-chorus
Chorus
3rd Verse
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Outro

Thanks guys.
Quote by funkdaddyfresh
justin, that was easily the most inspiring, helpful piece of advice anyone has ever given me in regards to my musical pursuits.


Screaming Help
Last edited by justin_fraser at Jan 29, 2007,
#3
Ok, where to start...you're rhyming structure was equivalent to that of a nursery rhyme. Good songs don't have to rhyme or at least don't have to rhyme in the same boring ABCB or ABAC patterns. If you would just change that alone it would allow you so much more ability to better convey your message. Which brings me to my next topic. The content. I was pretty much completely lost on it...first you were waiting for someone to call and they called and you didn't answer, then the pre-chorus is like the cliche to end all cliches and it doesn't seem to fit at all. The chorus continues on to talk about how you need to be rescued, which is completely unsupported, why do you need to be rescued? what's causing you so much distress? Then in the third verse, you're telling this person who's rescuing you to be a better friend and in the bridge you say they're holding you back....Maybe I'm missing something but the whole storyline is just completely over my head I have no idea where you're going with it. Anyway, definitely the first thing you have to let go of is the rhyme structure, it'll be akward at first but it allows you to better express yourself and good expression is the key to good songwriting (IMO) and next time try and make your story more direct and consistent. There are some good things about the piece though keep writing and improving and you could write some really nice pieces.

I would greatly appreciate it if you checked mine out:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=515027
#4
i think its quite good yeh, i playe it as a sorta country hybrid thing, sounded alright yeh

just keep writin man
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