#1
[Not a rap song]

Well I'm thinking this'll have a siren as a backing track, like a firetruck. It's my first foray into rap so don't judge me too hard. I'm not gangsta at all either, just curious. I wrote this on the spot, it's kind of about being bipolar (I'm not bipolar).
Commenti appreciado

edit: I wrote this last night thinking it was rap but I'm changing it. Now it's just a poem. Got it?

"Say, boy, fetch me some of that there dumbass"

"sure thing Pa!"

*pig squealing*

My name is ilk, I'll drink your milk
I'll wrap my spindly wings in silk
A preppy, a nerd, a goth and a jock
All those guys can suck my ****
Don't want to see your MTV
Won't be room for people like me

Go to school and drink Kool-Aid
Laugh at a guy for his perfumed braids
Didn't read Daisy May, now I'm so screwed
I'm so hungry but I don't want food
I want to be a dancing scoot
Dancing, dancing with a flute

Dunno what that means, and I don't care
Stupid people with stupid hair
Is it supposed to be funny, my lines and rhyme
I can't tell- just wasting some time
Nihilistic whimsy is talking to me
Maybe I should climb that tree

I shouldn't listen but I don't care
I'd rather fall than sit and stare
I never listen but it's not fair
I should listen but I don't care

When will these guys stop talking to me
I'll open my mouth and then I'm free
Doomed and afraid with nothing to do
Why can't I be as smart as you?

I shouldn't listen but I don't care
I'd rather fall than sit and stare
I never listen but it's not fair
I should listen but I don't care

*sound of car alarm*
Last edited by Siftings at Jan 30, 2007,
#2
Not bad. We have a similar brainwave ( be afraid, etc! )

I created a fictitious Rapper and made a few rhymes on the 4-track.

A complete parody of this vacuous genre. ( In other words, good/funny stuff )
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Angelus Mortem
#3
pretty good, kinda made me laugh, hope that's what you're going for. never really ventured into this style because it never interested me, and though i dont really know what this *poem* is about, i do enjoy it. i wish i could add more, but i dont really know what i would change. it was good 9/10 thanks for the crit by the way
#4
it's not really my kind of thing but it was good and funny. Thanks for the crit.
"Dunno what that means, and I don't care
Stupid people with stupid hair"
I liked that line the most. Overall I liked it but I could see why some people wouldn't like it.
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#5
..yeah I wrote it as rap but it didn't come out right so it's just simple, spur of the moment Dr. Seuss type-stuff. It honestly wasn't meant to be funny, just not serious

I'll write better stuff