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#1
my chemistry teacher has always been a fun one. you can say whatever you want, do whatever you want (she let us light the lab tables on fire, named an experiment 'foaming black penis', ect.) but today she was telling us about calories, and she said "lots of things have calories. even semen. but i wouldnt recommend eating it, it tastes bitter." funniest thing ever.
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Then we'd bro-rape you.

#2


i don't have a teacher that funny. i had an english teacher in the beginning of this year that was pretty cool.
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There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

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dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
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#4
Not so muc hwhat they said, but I had a science teacher that was severely artistically disabled.

One time when she tried to draw a lava lamp, she drew a dildo.

:?)
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#5
my english teacher is pretty stupid, she read the word "ballet" exactly how it's spelled, and did it repeatedly.
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#6
This one time, my chemistry teacher said a Cation was a negatively charged ion. Oh how we laughed. It's positive! SOOOOOO FUNNNY ROFLMAOASSCHEEKS.
#8
my history teacher just walks around our class ripping paper out of random students notebooks and bundles them up and hits them at other kids and says

"HELL YA! HOLE IN ONE!"
hehehe.....good times
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#9
Me it wasn't a teacher, but the principal. He came into our class talking about stuff and how we should start thinking of our future right now and that we should do like he did and study not quit school and be some lazy ass useless bastard and work in the paper mill that was in our town. Sadly for him 3/4 of our school their parents worked there. A couple of days later he had a black eye and his face was bruised. Wonder why huh?
#11
that's fucking hilarious... i can't think of one, but i'll get back to you when i can... because the teachers here are fucking stupid
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#12
I dropkicked my Spanish teacher once.
E-married to ilikepirates

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#13
my english teacher (the one i currently have) mispronounced Aryan. she said "are-yun". she kept doing it too.

you can say ballet the way it's spelled sometimes. when i was in music history, there was a certain form a song was in, my teacher said ballet. he could have said it wrong too though.
Quote by steven seagull
There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

Quote by convictionless
dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
11/10
you win my good sir

^ My For Mom cover

Check out my MP3s!!
#14
"Ooooh ****ing hell"

My Chemistry teacher as he set the roof alight.

Evacuation time.

Fire Brigade.

Was hella funny.
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I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

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they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

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#15
world history teacher..

he called me hairy kid
he calls the kid who sits next to me "Fah" (F.A.) (Fuzzy Andrew)"
he was talking about something and said THATS RETARDED. i mean Special. you have to be 100% politically correct at this school.

my 7th grade math teacher once said "a true statement is one that is true."

O RLY?
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#16
One day my maths teacher just stopped walking, paused and said "I like wires.....". Was random as shIt
#17
Quote by Kingyem0c0re
"Ooooh ****ing hell"

My Chemistry teacher as he set the roof alight.

Evacuation time.

Fire Brigade.

Was hella funny.


My biology teacher "Oh fuck, I've forgotten the beetroot." *runs out of class to his car and drives off*
#18
Quote by calebrocker
my english teacher (the one i currently have) mispronounced Aryan. she said "are-yun". she kept doing it too.

you can say ballet the way it's spelled sometimes. when i was in music history, there was a certain form a song was in, my teacher said ballet. he could have said it wrong too though.


That would be a "ballad" I presume.

My 9th grade Physical Science teacher caught his tie on fire with a brunson burner. Unfortunately, there are sinks right beside the burners so he promptly put it out.
#19
Heres some more.

A friend of mine was in english class and someone took his pencil case and hid it somewhere in the class, everyone did that just to piss people off, and he found it on the floor. So he bends down to pick it up and the teacher kicks the case and says me too I can do whatever I want. Then she kicked him out, for no reason at all.

In high school, we had the worst group the school has ever known. It happened three times in the year that because so much people were doing shit in the class, they suspended the whole group for 2 days. We filled class walls with wet paper balls, there were so much the teacher called the cops. We caused 3 teachers to have a burn out. We made a substitute teacher cry. The worst day was when some stupid guy took out a joint, smoked it in class, took 3 desks, put them together, took out a bottle of lighter fluid and put it all over the desks and lit them on fire. The teacher was in shock, she starred with her eyes big as golf balls, stayed immobile for the whole class and started drooling. We never heard from her since.
#20
haha my english teacher randomly said today "now let me tell you something... I am not a Jew, and I'm not Mexican... and i always have to tell my dad not to grow a beard because... he looks like a terrorist."

our whole class was on the floor lol

n last year our old english teacher said about the modern Romeo n Juliet film "its a visual FEAST! they've all got their tops off, pectorals just GLISTENING in the sun!" he was a man btw, a married man
#21
Quote by Gonk
One day my maths teacher just stopped walking, paused and said "I like wires.....". Was random as shIt

she's a robot, dumbass
My League of Legends stream
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you, decide to wake up
#22
One day I had a sub for History, so one of the kids asks her if theirs 51 states and she says, "No theirs 52, Alaska made 51, then Puerto Rico made 52."

And they say teachers aren't qualified these days.
Duke Ellington - If it sounds good, it is good.
#23
My chemistry teacher is pretty funny. He once hit a girl with a meter stick by accident cuz he gets real into his lessons and swings it around.. she cried. He always tells stories about how he got arrested and all the illegal stuff he does. And all year he couldn't remember a kids name.. he kept saying Jaguar instead of Jared. Like jaguar isn't even a name to get mixed up with.. wtf
#24
Quote by NoBC14
That would be a "ballad" I presume.

My 9th grade Physical Science teacher caught his tie on fire with a brunson burner. Unfortunately, there are sinks right beside the burners so he promptly put it out.


it wasn't ballad, it was ballet. oh well, it isn't worth fighting over
Quote by steven seagull
There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

Quote by convictionless
dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
11/10
you win my good sir

^ My For Mom cover

Check out my MP3s!!
#25
This isn't exactly a funny quote but my old algebra teacher was obsessed with airplanes and computers.

so everyday we would come in with the name of some airplane *his favorite happens to be the "Sesna 157" (or atleast i think thats wat it was... didnt really pay attention)

anyways.

we would ask him about airplanes and combat and he would come up with these huge lectures about the military, and whilst he was talking we would just pull out or ipods and listen to music.

it killed about 50 minutes everyday for the whole year...


best class ever! and he never realized he hardly taught any MATH =]
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#26
Well, a bus driver said this.

An obnoxious black girl was singing and yelling on the bus and my fat, bald bus driver told her to "turn it off."
LOL
#28
Quote by GibsonRocker14
This isn't exactly a funny quote but my old algebra teacher was obsessed with airplanes and computers.

so everyday we would come in with the name of some airplane *his favorite happens to be the "Sesna 157" (or atleast i think thats wat it was... didnt really pay attention)

anyways.

we would ask him about airplanes and combat and he would come up with these huge lectures about the military, and whilst he was talking we would just pull out or ipods and listen to music.

it killed about 50 minutes everyday for the whole year...


best class ever! and he never realized he hardly taught any MATH =]


that's how it was with my history teacher in 8th grade, you get him talking about tennis, flordia, or boat sailing, he'd talk the whole hour. he was a really cool guy too.
Quote by steven seagull
There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

Quote by convictionless
dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
11/10
you win my good sir

^ My For Mom cover

Check out my MP3s!!
#29
Quote by GibsonRocker14
This isn't exactly a funny quote but my old algebra teacher was obsessed with airplanes and computers.

so everyday we would come in with the name of some airplane *his favorite happens to be the "Sesna 157" (or atleast i think thats wat it was... didnt really pay attention)

anyways.

we would ask him about airplanes and combat and he would come up with these huge lectures about the military, and whilst he was talking we would just pull out or ipods and listen to music.

it killed about 50 minutes everyday for the whole year...


best class ever! and he never realized he hardly taught any MATH =]


Same here, except my math teacher was cars and boats. Hell half the class he would talk about that and the other half we'd be out of class walking around while 2-3 people would remain in class working. I never opened my math book that year and never did one work. I finished with 80%.
#30
my english teacher in year 11 asked this one girl how it felt to have a mouth bigger than her head it was so ****ing hilarious it was like

girl blah blah blah total bitchiness towards my gf
me oy bitch shut the **** up
teacher oy dan shut the **** up and watch your ****ing language
girl hahaha you got told off
me **** you
teacher oy girl how does it feel?
girl what?
teacher to have a mouth bigger than your head
me and my mates TOTALLY ****ING OWNED!!!!!!!!!

i got detention for extremely bad language
she got detention for being thick and being passive agressive towards members of the class

she doesn't even know what passive agressive means
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#31
My history comes out with some of the most stupid 'motivation' crap ever. Like 'If you never ask questions, you'll wilt in the shadows!'. He also tells the class about all his former drug habits (we all reckon he still has them, he appears on drugs half the time) and will happily spend half a lesson talking about a bad trip he had and God knows what. He's an okay guy, but will come out with the lamest speechs.

My english teacher last year was pretty bad for it as well, he once told us how he had told some kids from the nearby school to get away from the fence, and then said "And they took offence! Actually, no they didn't. You can still see it from the window.". It was the most awful joke I heard, but he was a cool guy so it was okay.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

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#32
Quote by Ranxston
Same here, except my math teacher was cars and boats. Hell half the class he would talk about that and the other half we'd be out of class walking around while 2-3 people would remain in class working. I never opened my math book that year and never did one work. I finished with 80%.


At my school we have a dude called Mr. Carling. He covers lessons if your teacher is ill etc.

Once a couple of years ago he spent an entire geography lesson telling us about his trip with his wife to San Francisco.

The strange thing was, despite the fact he wasn't teaching at all, he still found it in him to shout at someone for not listening....
#33
Setting: Today, Spanish class, 3rd period

Background:
Sub day. Teacher out. Sub in. Has no idea what to teach. Everyone is asking for weird translations. Geeky adorable nervous squirrly kid goes to bathroom.

Dialogue:
Kid (to sub): How do you say sexy in spanish?
Sub: Sexy. There are words that don't change when translated into different languages.
Kid: Then how do you say beast?
Sub: Bestia. Why do you ask?
Kid: Because when ( insert kids name ) comes back, I am going to call him a bestia sexy.


Later on in the class...:
Sub: Okay you bestias sexys, time to go over this packet


And if that wasn't great enough...:
Kid: Are you spanish? Your name sounds spanish
Sub: Yes. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico
Kid: Then why do you know none of our units words?
Sub: Just because I'm Puerto Rican doesn't mean I own a bright white camero.
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#34
My Chemistry teacher is just... a trip.

"You bunch of pattywhackers."
"Hey! Pipe down in the peanut gallery!"
"Feel lucky, pump....... kin?"

Girl passing by door: "Hi sir!"
Teacher: "Go away. I'm teaching."
Girl: *walks away and yells* "Fine sir! Be mean like that! I even brought you empanadas!"
Teacher: "WAIT! Get back here!" *rushes to door*
Girl: *says something I didn't hear*
Teacher: "No, I'm just playing. I already had five."

He has quite the obsession with Mountain Dew and pumpkin empanadas.
#35
Quote by GibsonRocker14
This isn't exactly a funny quote but my old algebra teacher was obsessed with airplanes and computers.

so everyday we would come in with the name of some airplane *his favorite happens to be the "Sesna 157" (or atleast i think thats wat it was... didnt really pay attention)

anyways.

we would ask him about airplanes and combat and he would come up with these huge lectures about the military, and whilst he was talking we would just pull out or ipods and listen to music.

it killed about 50 minutes everyday for the whole year...


best class ever! and he never realized he hardly taught any MATH =]



No way! Was his name Mr. Smith?

I had a teacher who taught math just like the man you are describing.
I Dig Music.


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#36
Our class was talking about how our swimming team has a smaller pool than other towns so the other towns had an advantage or something, so my spanish teacher goes:

"Hey, size doesn't matter. It's just as hard."

It was hilarious because she's someone you wouldn't expect to be making sexual innuendos. She's mad cool though, she goes to metallica concerts and she has a homemade AC/DC book cover for her textbook.
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#37
my twin sister was cheating off me on a math test in 8th grade and the teacher walks up and say "do we have a problem?" so i reply "how do you spell balloon?" and she started to spell it for me got to like the second o and then she got a dictionary

****ing hilarious
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Except for the sexy man goatee, and kickass shades. And sweet guitar.

I'm jealous.
#38
I have this awesome US History teacher, i walkedi n his class one day and he was singing the words to Jealous Again from the Black Crowes at the top of his lungs.

but one time we were in the middle of class and this kid had his pants way low and someone was "Pull your pants up" and the teacher was like "if you were in jail, that'd be pretty helpful, easy access, shit, did i just say that aloud?"
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#39
My old 8th grade P.E. teacher told us on one of the last days of school, a warning for our High School experience, to sum it up, she told us a story of three kids who smoked a joint, and their heads, one by one, exploaded. "Scanners" style. That must have been one helluva joint.
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#40
Quote by Anything Goes
One day I had a sub for History, so one of the kids asks her if theirs 51 states and she says, "No theirs 52, Alaska made 51, then Puerto Rico made 52."

And they say teachers aren't qualified these days.

As there a lot of Puerto Ricans in your class? Cause then it would have been damn funny..

EDIT: I got one, my Social teacher whom I hate with a passion says some funny shit.

Okay so this Short Fat girl with them most annoying voice comes up to him for a question:

Megan: How do you do this question?
Teacher: Megan, your voice is so irritating
Megan: (10 seconds later) I don't get it
Teacher: Megan, hit puberty before you come and talk to me
*Class laughs forever*

I remember another one, the same scenario but he asked her when she was gonna hit puberty...
He's dissed the high pitched bitch out so many times before, wish I could recall them better.
Last edited by raisinbran at Jan 30, 2007,
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