#1
Please critique my song... Thanks in advance.

Lying in this Cesspool

Intro

All of these things I've seen before you don't know,
All of these feelings that I feel I can't show,
The thoughts that lie inside of quiet unrest,
Waiting, watching to see what happens next.

I try so hard,
And what does that do?
It leaves me lying in the cesspool
Staring straight up at you.

Days by days pass waiting for you,
Hour after hour my dreams are eskewed,
Minute by minute it seems so long,
Tell me what I'm doing wrong

I try so hard,
And what does that do?
It leaves me lying in the cesspool
Staring straight up at you.

Guitar Solo

I try so hard,
And what does that do?
It leaves me lying in the cesspool
Staring straight up at you.

Outro
My Guitar Gear

Brownsville Les Paul Reissue Guitar
Ibanez Acoustic/Electric (Black) Guitar
Line 6 Spider III 75-watt 1x12 Combo Amp (w/Tape Echo, Sweep Echo, Standard Delay,Chorus/Flanger, Phaser, Tremolo, and Reverb)
#2
I thought it was really, good, a little repetitive yes, but overall i liked it.
Ithink it still needs work though.
Well, not so much work as exspansion,
It feels like you have more to say but aren't.


Btw, i just had to say i lol'd at the title, but it enticed me to come and see what this was all about.
CTHC
#4
these lyrics seem really forced, and i'm assuming you listen to a lot of metal (slipknot, perhaps?), but from a kid like me, a word like cesspool really can ruin a song. not my style. but your rig looks decent, so maybe stick to guitar?
#5
Quote by deanosaurx
these lyrics seem really forced, and i'm assuming you listen to a lot of metal (slipknot, perhaps?), but from a kid like me, a word like cesspool really can ruin a song. not my style. but your rig looks decent, so maybe stick to guitar?


Thanks, man. I'm not a big metal fan like that though, I'm more of a classic rock (Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Jethro Tull, etc.) type of person. I think what it is is that, I'm so insipired by their songwriting (Roger Water's especially) that I try to equal or top what their doing. But, I end up forcing rhymes way to much, and can't come up with many ideas at all. I guess just like playing guitar, that this is something that takes some time to perfect, and the only way I can do that is to keep writing. So, I guess that's what I'll do.
My Guitar Gear

Brownsville Les Paul Reissue Guitar
Ibanez Acoustic/Electric (Black) Guitar
Line 6 Spider III 75-watt 1x12 Combo Amp (w/Tape Echo, Sweep Echo, Standard Delay,Chorus/Flanger, Phaser, Tremolo, and Reverb)