#1
crit 4 crit

I have no idea what to call this song but let me know what you think of it.

A note to remember was all I sent
I left her feeling lonely, I left her feeling like I was
A message in a bottle to feel like I’m the only one
I never let this get to me, I never let this get to me

She always left me something, no matter what I said to her
Now all I get is roses, from someone who is dead to her.
A sweet but pleasant smile, a look that makes me feel like I’m
The only person living, the only person living

I let her get away
I see her every day
A torn note not for anyone
She made sure no one knew about me
She thinks I’ve given up already
But I know that I have just begun.

She’s sitting right across from me, why can’t I find the words to speak
Pointless things and activities, she’s the only one to ask me.
Acting like she needed someone, she always put on a happy face
I’m never happy without her, She’s always happy without me

Lonely evenings sitting here at home, I only know what I’ve been told
She thinks that she was ready, I know I wasn’t ready
I left there feeling lonely, feeling like I’ve never felt before
Am I the only one left, am I the only one

I let her get away
I see her every day
A torn note not for anyone
She made sure no one knew about me
She thinks I’ve given up already
But I know that I have just begun.

Feeling torn and cold, I’m moving on
Am I not the only one who’s left insane?
Write to her now, never again
Maybe we can talk, nothing to happen

Taking pictures of, someone I don’t know
Leading me to think that life was meaningful
What was it for? Why did I choke?
Maybe one day I could have these answered.

She thinks it’s time for goodbye
I left here feeling too good.
I don’t know what could cause this,
Give me a chance and I would.

Leave me unfulfilled and smiling
Happiness doesn’t mean anything
A world, a world that just
Isn’t too nice to me.
www.myspace.com/slackerfridaysolong
Fender Toronado
Marshall Valvestate 8100
Fender PT-100 Pedal Tuner
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
Boss DS-1
Electro-Harmonix Big Muff Pi
Electro-Harmonix Small Clone Chorus
Electro-Harmonix Holy Grail Reverb
#3
This is uber-good, besides the fact that I think you used "I" too many times. THe repitition at the end of the first two stanzas is good. Actually, the fact that it has more than two stanzas is great, because I never write anything very long, and my goal is to try to make good long pieces, but they never work out well, unlike this, which was great.
Wade in the water, child.