#1
Six blue pills on the table,

wished it wasn't even there,

it changed my life

as i knew it as today

A cut on the wrist,

to end this insanity,

made it bleed, i was happy,

couldn't stop it, so i had to suffer


HATE, whats left in me,

HOPE, there's none in me,

my life's is about to end,

so, hello to;

The End OF Life


No time for notes,

i think the rope's ready,

Remember to lock the door,

so cheers to sweet good bye
#2
hmmm... i don't really like it, that's got nothing to do with your writing, just your topic and the way you phrased everything, it was a little too blunt and not quite poetic enough i believe to pull it off

The ending was good for that simple line "Cheers to sweet goodbye" i don't know why but i like that line, a lot

The "a cut to the wrist" bit was a little too much personally, i think use metaphors, try and be subtle, topics like this have a habit of needing subtlety or great poeticness

keep writing and REVISE, REVISE, REVISE, go over it again and again and make small changes

that is one of the best pieces of advice i can give you, reread something you write and if you don't like it the next day then change the bits you don't like. I had a habit of only doing this if i was going to post it on UG and because of that i never posted a LOT of stuff on here

hope i helped, keep it up man

(and can you please check out "This is what we get for falling in lust", the link is in my sig) thanks
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#3
this was something i wrote in just under 5 minutes. so it lacks quality. thanks for the crit. really2 need it. hehe.. usually i will change some part of the lines time after time. thanks again.
#4
something's missing in the lyric. not sure what it is. try to modify some of the lines
Q: What did the drummer say just before he got fired? / A: 'Hey, guys, let's try one of my songs!
#5
Six blue pills on the table,

wished it wasn't even there,

it changed my life

as i knew it as today

A cut on the wrist,

to end this insanity,

made it bleed, i was happy,

couldn't stop it, so i had to suffer
i like this first verse

HATE, whats left in me,

HOPE, there's none in me,

my life's is about to end,

so, hello to;

The End OF Life


No time for notes,

i think the rope's ready,

Remember to lock the door,

so cheers to sweet good byethis last line is the the line i have a slight problem with. jsut try rewording it

very nice job, i liked it alot, just wished it was longer.

crit my one of my newest if u could