#1
On the Parts With the Brackets, Those are Sung By the Lead Guitarist


Edit: The Course is Made Different, Sounded Weird When Me And My Friend Sang it


I’ll be The One You need
The One You Can See
Show me How It Feels To Be
The one With The Noose

You Say That I’m Weak
But you’re the One To Break
Took These Things For Granted
So you let Me Bleed For you.
Bleed for you...


Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now.
(Turn my world.)
Find me Here
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?

Constant Feeling
Keeping me Distracted
Constant Bleeding
Keep Me Drastic

A reason For Your Pain And Anger
Let Me See Your Hate And Aguish
Making Desperate Moves To hide Your Martyr
Saying This Will All Be Over

Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now.
(Turn my world.)
Find me Here
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?

Let Me Feel You Inside
(Its All I Need)
Find The Truth
(Its All I Need)
Letting The Lies Feed You...

Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now.
(Turn my world.)
Find me Here
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?

End.
Last edited by *Thundernation* at Feb 17, 2007,
#3
me = bold

i’ll be The One You need
The One You See
Show me How It Feels To Be
The one With The Noose


ok the first line is good decent opening but second line can be a bit better

try "the one you can see" it adds more meaning rest are ok


You Say That I’m Weak
But you’re the One To Break
Took These Things For Granted
So you let Me Bleed For you.
Bleed for you...


this i liked the best but repetition of bleed for you dont add much of an impact to me

Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now.
(Turn my world.)
(Turn my world.)
Find me Baby
(Let Me Feel)
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?


now chorus is a bit simple and blunt and repetition by ur guitarist will hinder a song repetition thats what i think but its ur wish i think it can be more better


Constant Feeling
Keeping me Distracted
Constant Bleeding
Keep Me Drastic



these 2 lines are awesome

A reason For Your Pain And Anger
Let Me See Your Hate And Aguish
Making Desperate Moves To hide Your Martyr
Saying This Will All Be Over


instead of matryr try some other word this word i tried to sing in my melody it hampers the flow a bit but hey may be i am sing in some other tempo or melody


Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now
(Turn my world.)
(Turn my world.)
Find me Baby
(Let Me Feel)
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?

Let Me Feel You Inside
(Its All I Need)
Find The Truth
(Its All I Need)
Letting The Lies Feed You...

Hear me now
(I'm crying out)
(I'm crying out)
I'm ready now.
(Turn my world.)
(Turn my world.)
Find me Baby
(Let Me Feel)
(Let Me Feel)
Let Me Die For you
Can you Still Hear me?


i have already said about the chorus . i am srry if i came too harsh on you i am an amature writer i just want to get better like you .just remember all the criticism you get here is constuctive . overall i will give you 7/10

by the way i dropped u a pm check that and i will look frwrd to see more of ur work
Hi
#4
dude thats aweesome.. do you have a recording at all?? this is so awesome.
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#6
yea thats a pretty good sopng (y)

really emtal sounding,
nd theres alot of backin vox in it, this could work bt ud have to b careful cos sumtyms tht dont work well =/

well done but =]
#8
i really like the line 'can you still hear me?'. but never, ever say 'baby' again.
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