#1
Hey guys wrote this piece earlier crit for crit. Im thinking about adding a bridge and maybe another verse but i wanna know how you guys think it sound first thx for feedback in advace

Verse 1

I'll slow down the next time
im running away
You can hear me explain
all the feelings within
it was a sad day im sorry
It never should have ended that way

Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)

Verse 2

How i wish i could change
what we've been through
all the sleepless nights
thinking about you
Things get better they always will
You jsut gotta fight each day
and let the world hear
what you say

Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)
#3
Verse 1

I'll slow down the next time
im running away
You can hear me explain
all the feelings within
it was a sad day im sorrythis line is weak, the "sad day" try differnt words than sad and day,but mainly just the word sad
It never should have ended that way

Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)nice chorus, its great

Verse 2

How i wish i could change
what we've been through
all the sleepless nights
thinking about you
Things get better they always will
You jsut gotta fight each day
and let the world hear
what you say
with this one, try adding in "have" between'you' and 'say'
Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)


overal, i like it, i say go ahead and throguh in a bridge, but i say no on another verse, jsut make the bridge great and that will wrap it up nicely. great job, keep it up.
crit mien if you could, should be in my sig
#4
Hey dude heres a slightly moded version i've changed the lines you suggested and it's looking and sounding a bit better thx for the advice guys

Verse 1

I'll slow down the next time
im running away
You can hear me explain
all the feelings within
At the edges I started to fray
It never should have ended that way

Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)nice chorus, its great

Verse 2

How i wish i could change
what we've been through
all the sleepless nights
thinking about you
Things get better they always will
You jsut gotta fight each day
and let the world hear
what you have to say

Chorus

So look before you jump
Take your time with everything
it always works out in the end
You'll find your way...
Take your time now friend
you got nothing to be scared of
i'll be waiting at the end
Waiting for you
(Waiting for you)