#1
this is what i've got so far, i kinda need another verse but don't have one yet. also, im not sure about the last line "enjoy the ride, sit back and relax" PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment, it may not be even close to the best songs out there, but its important to me, and i need to get better so...here goes...


he asked me the night of january 20th
a question that could never be pondered
my feelings for him, flowing so strong
should i was not at all wondered

chorus

waiting around for the chance of a lifetime
Angels cry out, "right now is the right time"
Memories to make, no more holding back
Enjoy the ride, sit back and relax


although this is one of my first songs, i think that it is also one of my best! comments accepted!
Please please please comment! LOL!
Thanks!
Thanks!
If every simple song i wrote
would take your breath away
i'd write it all
Last edited by kaihla at Feb 2, 2007,
#3
Another two verses and a chorus, rather than just a verse, are what I think are needed.

For one of your first songs, it's alright. I like the second verse, though in the first I'm not so sure with using an actual date. I haven't heard that before, so try it again when you have the full song, I'll keep an open mind about it.

But overall, it's too short to give a full crit, but it has good potential.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#4
Start by not listening to RJA.(lol) It has a good theme, the first verse is confusing, you have to think about it. And I didn't like the ending verse like you said. And it definately needs to be longer. But if you clear those things up it should be good.
#5
hey, i like RJA! lol, but thanks, ya i wanted to make it longer, but the night i wrote this, i just couldn't write anymore, nothing else came to me...so ill make it longer i promise! lol!
If every simple song i wrote
would take your breath away
i'd write it all