#1
Life in a place not everyone sees
with the tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
rolling about with no thought for others
loyaltys our number one concern for each other
walk in a way not everyone likes
mode of my movement sparks many fights
but i listen up in my dream land
to the public speaker talking with his hands

and i know youll say its getting better
And i know youll say it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter

seven and eight are the numbers allowed
i am a four and i rest in the clouds
but here in the lands and valleys of oddity
raw meat and happiness are merely a commodity
spinning my days by without any care
watching the people eat the rats and the pears
tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
commercial reporting sells me what i see

and i know i think its getting better
And i know ill think it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#2
Hey, this is a cool song. Kinda reminds me of Beck...and I like Beck, so that's a good thing.

Quote by This End Up
Life in a place not everyone sees
with the tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
rolling about with no thought for others
loyaltys our number one concern for each other
walk in a way not everyone likes
mode of my movement sparks many fights
but i listen up in my dream land
to the public speaker talking with his hands

and i know youll say its getting better
And i know youll say it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter
You might consider changing this last line to something else, just to avoid the repetition. I think that would make it much more interesting...

seven and eight are the numbers allowed
i am a four and i rest in the clouds
The numbers thing is awesome
but here in the lands and valleys of oddity
raw meat and happiness are merely a commodity
spinning my days by without any care
watching the people eat the rats and the pears
tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
commercial reporting sells me what i see
These last two lines are a great connection to the title and the first verse...cool stuff!

and i know i think its getting better
And i know ill think it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter


I really like this one. Good rhyming, good flow, it's an overall pleasing lyric. Great job! Sorry I couldn't give you more help, but there isn't a whole lot to say, lol.

Hey, if you wouldn't mind, check out my latest piece, Sharpshooter: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=517233

Cheers!
#3
song was really good, liked the lyrics but i thought although you were singing well most of the time, in parts it seemed to go out of tune a bit. i really like the name of the song and the way you fit it into the lyrics sounded really good. overall very good.
#4
thanks ive only been singing for like a month im getting much better
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#5
Life in a place not everyone sees
with the tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
rolling about with no thought for others
loyaltys our number one concern for each other
walk in a way not everyone likes
mode of my movement sparks many fights
but i listen up in my dream land
to the public speaker talking with his hands
====tin foil poppies and battery acid seas??
and i know youll say its getting better
And i know youll say it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter
===i dont get the letter part
seven and eight are the numbers allowed
i am a four and i rest in the clouds
but here in the lands and valleys of oddity
raw meat and happiness are merely a commodity
spinning my days by without any care
watching the people eat the rats and the pears
tin foil poppies and battery acid seas
commercial reporting sells me what i see

and i know i think its getting better
And i know ill think it in a letter
yes i know youll say its getting better
and i know youll say it in a letter


this is very interesting, but cant figure out wat its about. nothing really that i see wrong with it, and it pulled me in cuz i was trying to figure out wat it was about. care to tell me wat it means? and the acid seas part