#1
You live for the future,
Hoping that you last
But will you live for the present,
And let go of the past?

Some struggle to cope
With the bitter conflicts of life,
And give up on the most important things.
For distorted views of right

So will you throw your life away?
Too those forgotten days?
Or look into the future,
For which the past and present paves the way.

Lifes too short to sit around and wait,
and people dont care how you carry out the day.

But the less you try,
the farther youle stray
So grab the reigns of times forgotten.
its time to sieze the day
Last edited by Smoothrider_41 at Feb 2, 2007,
#2
first of all, change ur song name, its taken by avenged sevenfold already.
You live for the future,
Hoping that you last
But will you live for the present?
Or let go of the past?
=====doesnt make sense, last line would have to have 'and' instead of 'or'
Some find it hard to deal
With all the things in life,
And give up on the most important things.
For distorted views of right
====change the word' thing' its to general
So will you throw your life away?
Too those forgotten days?
Or look into the future,
For which the past and present paves the way.

Lifes too short to sit around and wait,
and people dont care
how you carry out the day.
And the harder you try, the farther you fall
or so the pessimists say.
So grab the reigns of times forgotten.
its time to sieze the day.


its ok, but it totaly reminds me of seize the day by avenged sevenfold.about 7/10
#5
well, ive read some of your stuff and ive got to say man, this isnt really that good compared to it. Theres nothing blatantly bad about it, but its just not as interesting as some of the other stuff ive seen from you. the whole idea of "live for the moment" is kind of cliched.

Beyond the cliche though, its not bad. Nothing great. I love the flow though, it never seems to stop, like you can jsut keep reading the thing all the way through without pausing, exccept at puncuation and all that of course. The rhyme scheme, well, im just gonna say here im not a big fan of rhyme anyway, but the the rhyme scheme for me was very very bland. it helped the flow, but it didnt grab my attention. but once again, i prefer free verse over rhyme anyday so...
#6
i changed it around, if you wanna check it out. thanks for the comments guys. ill get too you asap