#1
Hey all, OK, the reason i wrote this song is cause of a girl. But anyway, she said she loved it, that it was beautiful. So i want some other people's opinin.

I Need To Hear You Say
-----------------------

i am lost in this spell
nothing to feel but this hell
i am broken from this hate
shrouding my upcoming fate
i just need her to steal
to soothe all the pain i feel
i miss her so very much
i'm dying to feel her touch

i've been torn from my life
put in this place full of strife
i cannot see the sun nor it's rays
felt so much in these past days
i just wish i could hear her voice
so i could be filled and rejoice
cause she has the will i need
the water of life to grow my seed

oh God please bring her to me
so i can finally be set free
i need you to bring her to me
cause she can help me be

i need her
i need her
i need her to come and soothe this acheing pain
i love her
i love her
i love her so much but i keep growing faint
so let me see her one more time

i am sick i am broken
i need her love to be reawoken
from this awful deep slumber
so many days have passed without number
feels like i'm falling in a spiral that never ends
like i'm in a place that never breaks or bends
i need her will to keep me alive
so i can feel the breath of life

i am so lonely from this pain
wishing she would come and unstain
so i can be free to fly like a dove
but that's impossible without her love
my dreams are the only peace i can find
a place where i can settle and unwind
i am like a ship at sea that is lost in the wind
hidden deep from these never ending sins

oh God please let me see her
so i can be filled with rapture
and so i can see her when i turn
so please God let me see her

i crave her
i crave her
i have craved her all of my hated life
i miss her
i miss her
i miss her so much that i'm being filled with strife
so let me see her one more time

oh God i miss her so much
i miss that long brown hair
i miss those beautiful brown eyes
i need that loving touch
i need that long flowing hair
i need that voice that has always been nice
i miss her so very much
so now as i look you in the eyes i will tell you

i love you
i love you
i have loved you forever
i miss you
i miss you
and i will always think of you
i need you
i need you
i will never forget no never
i want you
i want you
and i will always need you to help me through

and i need to hear you say

i love you
i love you
i have loved you forever
i miss you
i miss you
and i will always think of you
i need you
i need you
i will never forget no never
i want you
i want you
and i will always help you through

i love you i love you
i need you i need you
i miss you i miss you
i want you i want you
i need you to stay here
and i need to hear you say
i love you i love you
i need you i need you
i miss you i miss you
i want you i want you
i will always stay here
#2
Quote by Metalsmack355
Hey all, OK, the reason i wrote this song is cause of a girl. But anyway, she said she loved it, that it was beautiful. So i want some other people's opinin.

I Need To Hear You Say
-----------------------

i am lost in this spell
nothing to feel but this hell
i am broken from this hate
shrouding my upcoming fate
i just need her to steal
to soothe all the pain i feel
i miss her so very much
i'm dying to feel her touch
Well, too much rhyming . I like what youre saying, I feel the emotion, but i would reword it with less rhymes .

i've been torn from my life
put in this place full of strife
i cannot see the sun nor it's rays
felt so much in these past days
i just wish i could hear her voice
so i could be filled and rejoice
cause she has the will i need
the water of life to grow my seed
Same as above, i feel the emotion but the rhymes dont sound right one after another like that. (MAYBE another rhyme scheme? )

oh God please bring her to me
so i can finally be set free
i need you to bring her to me
cause she can help me be
There are few times when one can really get away with A-A-A-A rhymes, and this isnt one of them. I'd redo this for sure.

i need her
i need her
i need her to come and soothe this acheing pain
i love her
i love her
i love her so much but i keep growing faint
so let me see her one more time
This part I can see someone just singing to a girl, not really deep or anything, just impressing her. I see why you wrote this song lol

i am sick i am broken
i need her love to be reawoken
from this awful deep slumber
so many days have passed without number
feels like i'm falling in a spiral that never ends
like i'm in a place that never breaks or bends
i need her will to keep me alive
so i can feel the breath of life
ok, ive worked up to it, you need to try and rework some stuff into a different rhyme scheme. The material is spot on, just not the format.

i am so lonely from this pain
wishing she would come and unstain
so i can be free to fly like a dove
but that's impossible without her love
my dreams are the only peace i can find
a place where i can settle and unwind
i am like a ship at sea that is lost in the wind
hidden deep from these never ending sins
great material, just needs to be broken up into different verses/parts, and work out some different rhymes.
(Perhaps A-b-c-b-a? or A-b-b-a? Just some ideas)


oh God please let me see her
so i can be filled with rapture
and so i can see her when i turn
so please God let me see her
I dont really like this part, i dont get the 'when i turn' part.Clarify?

i crave her
i crave her
i have craved her all of my hated life
i miss her
i miss her
i miss her so much that i'm being filled with strife
so let me see her one more time

oh God i miss her so much
i miss that long brown hair
i miss those beautiful brown eyes
i need that loving touch
i need that long flowing hair
i need that voice that has always been nice
i miss her so very much
so now as i look you in the eyes i will tell you

i love you
i love you
i have loved you forever
i miss you
i miss you
and i will always think of you
i need you
i need you
i will never forget no never
i want you
i want you
and i will always need you to help me through

and i need to hear you say

i love you
i love you
i have loved you forever
i miss you
i miss you
and i will always think of you
i need you
i need you
i will never forget no never
i want you
i want you
and i will always help you through

i love you i love you
i need you i need you
i miss you i miss you
i want you i want you
i need you to stay here
and i need to hear you say
i love you i love you
i need you i need you
i miss you i miss you
i want you i want you
i will always stay here
As for this, and the rest of that ^^^ I feel what youre saying, but I dont like how you did it. You just repeated it over and over. I wouldnt do that, but its your song and I guess if the girl likes it enuff, then youre scoring either way


Seems like a song to just impress a girl, not many deep parts, just something you might use to get into her pants