#1
You're lovely, wipe your feet,
While I take my watch off,
The smoke on your breath,
Wasn't there last week.

I'm tired of everything,
I'm tired of you and I,
Contrary to belief,
I'm tired of writing,
Trying to make you love me.

Try not to work up, images of you,
Your eyes roll like thunder in the night,
What are you thinking,
What the hell is on your mind?


I'm tired of everything,
I'm tired of you and I,
Contrary to belief,
I'm tired of writing,
Trying to make you love me.

I'm tired of thunder,
A life time of wondering,
would you be there for me,
yeah, I'm tired of wondering,
All this thunder, polluting my sky,
I'm tired of wondering,
A life time of wondering,
Would you be there for me.

And the worst thing's you'll never hear,
Three words whispered in your ear.


The second to last verse, was more of a cap off, more intense ending, and then the last two lines are with no guitar and sung softly. This was more of a sporadic song, that was geared more towards an acoustic sound. And takes on the more traditional form. Comments please, crit for crit. And please check ou my link in the sig. box.
Last edited by Matt.Chavie at Feb 3, 2007,
#2

me=bold

You're lovely, wipe your feet,
While I take my watch off,
The smoke on your breath,
Wasn't there last week.

opening is good especially the differnces between first 2 and last 2 lines i think i am getting what you want to say through them

I'm tired of everything,
I'm tired of you and I,
Contrary to belief,
I'm tired of writing,
Trying to make you love me.

i frgot the chorus its good but try replacing last line i dont like it that much as compared to the chorus

Try not to work up,
Images of you,
Your eyes roll like thunder,
in the night.


this is a bit short may be try to add one or 2 lines more maybe


I'm tired of everything,
I'm tired of you and I,
Contrary to belief,
I'm tired of writing,
Trying to make you love me.

I'm tired of thunder,
A life time of wondering,
would you be there for me,
yeah, I'm tired of wondering,
All this thunder, polluting my sky,
I'm tired of wondering,
A life time of wondering,
Would you be there for me.

one problem here wondering is used alot . use another words so that impact of word wondering remains in the song


And the worst thing's you'll never hear,
Three words whispered in your ear.



the ending part is really good


This was more of a sporadic song, that was geared more towards an acoustic sound. And takes on the more traditional form. Comments please, crit for crit. And please check ou my link in the sig. box.



overall good job i liked it
Hi