#1
Verse 1

I was hoping to say sorry
but i never really got round to it
But all this pain inside me
It builds up endlessly
And I wish that you'd come back

Chorus
And I don't think I'll ever right that wrong
So instead I'll just write this song(x2)
for you (x4)

Verse 2

I was hoping that you'd return
But you stayed away from me for a while
But I can't keep away
I'm waiting for that day
When you come back to me

Chorus

Outro

I'll write this song for you x4

And we'll see what it can do

I've improved a few things and I'm working on a chord progression for it as well, may do a recording
Last edited by bluemoon05 at Feb 3, 2007,
#2
its def a good start. some of the lines are pretty generic for a song about missing a woman. maybe change it to something that only she would understand, but still sounds good to other people

also manke it longer, unless there are a few guitar fill-ins
#5
hey good job. the only thing is that in verse 2 the second line doesnt seem to flow very well because it is so much longer than all the others. i would consider revising/rewording that one. other than that though, good job. could you crit 'be mine'? it's in my sig.
#6
i like this. i'd expand the chorus alittle bit more other than that good song so far.
"This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not over"---Daughtry
#7
I'm not too fond of the "so I'll just write this song". Other than that, its a decent chorus. Maybe add another verse, but with some different colors, different views on this person that has left.
#8
I was hoping to say sorry
but i never really got round to it===you could cut out the 'to it'
But all this pain inside me
It builds up endlessly
And I wish that you'd come back

Chorus
And I don't think I'll ever right that wrong
So instead I'll just write this song(x2)
for you (x4)
===not really fond of the, ill just write this song, try not to say lines like that in ur song, it takes away from it usually.but for the 4 you's, i think it would sound great with a fading sound.you cut have ur chorus liek this...
And I don't think I'll ever right that wrong
So instead I'll just write this song
And I don't think I'll ever right that wrong
for you(x4)
jsut get rid of the writing the song part
Verse 2

I was hoping that you'd return
But you stayed away from me for a while===could cut out the 'for awhile'
But I can't keep away
I'm waiting for that day
When you come back to me

Chorus

Outro

I'll write this song for you x4====try to cut this out

And we'll see what it can do


overall, i say not bad, jsut work on the chorus basicly.
mine to crit should be in my sig, try criting my newest if u could.