#1
I am writing this song for my GF and I really want it to be perfect so tell me how I can fix it becasue it jsut doesnt sound quiete right and it's a little short. (Sorry about my last thread I'm knew to the forum and didn't think to read the rules lol yeah I'm a rebel w/e.

"For You"

You light up my life
You light up my soul
You make me believe
Like I have some control

You're my single star
My diamond in the sky
I want you near or far
So I can look into your eyes

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to I'll do
Anything you need me for I'll be there
Anything to make it true I'll do
Cuz pain thats in your eyes I just can't bear

When stars are in your eyes, my world's great
But when you're down, my life just disipates
I want you happy every single day
For you to feel great in every single way
Want you to know my love will never change
Near of far it'll always be the same

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to I'll do
Anything you need me for I'll be there
Anything to make it true I'll do
Cuz pain thats in your eyes I just can't bear


I know I need more.
#2
"I want you near or far"
=====i would change the 'or' or 'not'.it makes mroe sense that way.
"'ll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to I'll do
Anything you need me for I'll be there
Anything to make it true I'll do
Cuz pain thats in your eyes I just can't bear"
======here i would add one last line like"when its all hurting you"
or sumthing ending in 'you'

actually, nothing really wrong with it, i think she will love it. jsut the fact u wrote her somthing she will be very pleased.

crit my new one if you could
#3
"For You"


You light up my life
You light up my soul
You make me believe
Like I have some control

You're my single star
My diamond in the sky
I want you near not far
I wanna look into your eyes

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to I'll do
Anything you need me for I'll be there
Anything to make it true I'll do
Cuz sorrow in your eyes I just can't bear
When the world's crashing down on you

When stars are in your eyes, my world's great
But when you're down, my life just disipates
I want you happy every single day
Want you to know my love will never change
For you to feel great in every single way
Near of far it'll always be the same

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to I'll do
Anything you need me for I'll be there
Anything to make it true I'll do
Cuz sorrow in your eyes....I just can't bear


Changed the things you said and made a few other little changes like changing pain in your eyes to sorrow in your eyes. Sound any better?
#4
You light up my life
You light up my soul
You make me believe
I have some control

You're my single star
My diamond in the sky
I want you to be here
I want to look into your eyes...

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to.
Anything you need me for,
I'll be there
Anything to make it true,
I'll do
The pain thats in your eyes,
I just can't bear...

When stars are in your eyes, my world's great
But when you're down, my life just disipates
I want you happy every single day
Want you to know my love will never change
For you to feel great in every single way
Near of far it'll always be the same

You're my single star
My diamond in the sky
I want you to be here
I want to look into your eyes...

I'll do it all for you!
Anything you want me to.
Anything you need me for,
I'll be there
Anything to make it true,
I'll do
The pain thats in your eyes,
I just can't bear...

Cause your my single star,
My diamond in the sky.
And i'll do it all for you...


yea, i hope you like, i changed alot..
#5
I like it, the fact u wrote something for her also is a big plus i am sure. I think she will love it, great job.
#6
Allrite I think I've pretty much decided how I want it but I'm still deciding if I should change "Pain thats in your eyes" to "Sorrow thats in your eyes"
#7
no offense but this song doesnt seem very personal at all i think your girl friend would like a song more "customized" towards her but ummm change disipates to something else it just doesnt go
#8
Allrite then acoustic then how would I go about making it more personal? and personally I like the dissipates part.