#1
This Is My Draft.
I Will Improve my Song When People Say my Song is Bad


Quick Edit


Never Knew To Feel Insecure
Never Knew It Would Mean Anything To You
Always Knew It Would Bring Me To Life
All This Time I Could Beg To Be Alone
But Not While I’m At Home

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you

All The Time, I Felt Like Bleeding for you
All Those Times, That I Tried To End This Life
All The Poor Time We Could Love
And Still I Lay Here
Waiting For you

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you

Same As forever.
Lets Be Together.
It Could Be Everything
Just To keep Me thinking
Baby Lets Make It Real.
Learn To Forgive Me.
So I Could Learn To Feel.

Home, Just To Change How You Feel
Home, Just To Be The way We Always Been.
Home, Till death Do Us Part.
Last edited by *Thundernation* at Feb 4, 2007,
#2
nice, subtle word changes are my own personal lyric fetish 8-) and you have a lot in here, i like the ending

The words seem a little too plain in some places, other than that it's good

Well done
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#3
Well, here is what I think.

Quote by *Thundernation*
This Is My Draft.
I Will Improve my Song When People Say my Song is Bad


Never Knew To Feel Insecure
Never Knew It Would Mean Anything To You
Always Knew It Would Bring Me To Life
All This Time I Could Beg To Be Alone
But Not While I’m At Home
I have a simple mind, so this didnt sit well with me the first time I read it. But, after reading it a few times, I got it. Pretty decent start.

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright I liked this.
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you
This was simpler, easier for me to get. I liked it.

All The Time, I Felt Like Bleeding for you
All Those Times, That I Tried To End This Life
All The Poor Time We Could Love
And Still I Lay Here
Waiting For you
Well, in my opinion, it was a little cliche. I get the point behind the title, and the whole "death do us part", but there has been alot of songs written about that kind of thing.

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you

Same As forever.
Lets Be Together.
It Sould Be Everything spelling error, couldnt tell wether it was 'should' or 'could'. Just to let ya know
Just To keep Me thinking
Baby Lets Make It Real.
Learn To Forgive Me.
So I Could Learn To Feel.
Well written last two lines, the whole verse was pretty good IMO.

Home, Just To Change How You Feel
Home, Just To Be The way We Always Been.
Home, Till death Do Us Part.Nice ending, the lack of rhyme made it seem very original to me.


Fair, very good in some parts. No MAJOR problems. 8.5/10

Mind critting one of mine? There in my sig.
#4
Never Knew To Feel Insecure
Never Knew It Would Mean Anything To You
Always Knew It Would Bring Me To Life
All This Time I Could Beg To Be Alone
But Not While I’m At Home
====little confusing for me, but its still good

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you
====the ending 'you' would do good being dragged out

All The Time, I Felt Like Bleeding for you
All Those Times, That I Tried To End This Life
All The Poor Time We Could Love
And Still I Lay Here
Waiting For you
====i dont really like this verse.

Always Thought This Relationship
Would Keep All things Alright
Only When Its me And You
Baby, Lets Make It Through
Just Wanna Go Home
Just To Be With you

Same As forever.
Lets Be Together.
It Sould Be Everything====mispelled word,'sould'?
Just To keep Me thinking
Baby Lets Make It Real.
Learn To Forgive Me.
So I Could Learn To Feel.

Home, Just To Change How You Feel
Home, Just To Be The way We Always Been.
Home, Till death Do Us Part.
__________________

um, ok, these lyrics seemed all over the plac,e so i couldnt really get a grasp of wat it was about untill the last part of ur last verse. try to change a few things to clarify the subject more, and stay more on topic, thats just my opion tho.

crit my new one if you could
#5
i really like it the only problem with it for me is the title i can think of 2 bands off the top of my head that have a song titled home
-three days grace
-daughtry

other than that its a good song

edit: also it desnt have a chorus, some of mine dont either, but it works for this song
Last edited by m pyro97132 at Mar 22, 2007,