#1
just stop your breathing, just let us end like this
a faithful lisp, something that will end with a kiss
walk with me through the dark, fill my mind with right
fill my path with light, i know i'll burn bright
with you by my side

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alright
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you

just stop your heart now, i want to be your lifeline
the one that finds, that you will stay this time
come now and take my hand, ill help you understand
why this life, hurts you this time, work out in time
with me by your side

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alright
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you

and i'll give it, never holding back
when you figure it out i'll be your facts
taking time, just to get you happy
but its all worth it in the end.......the end

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alright
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you


plz crit.....i need to get this perfect so i can sing it to my girlfriend!
Quote by Friggly
my balls undropped...they're not all like low and stuff, and they look like they did when I was little...I still spew and stuff. Is it possible that I may be getting younger by the minute?!

haha^^
http://www.mindistortion.net/iwantyoursoul/?i_am=Capt. Crow
#2
Can you tell me what style of music you play so i can get a better idea of the melody behind this before I do a crit?

sorry i am new here and it really helps to know what style people play.

Go well
Ja'mir
#4
just stop your breathing, just let us end like thistake out the 2nd 'just'
a faithful lisp, something that will end with a kiss
walk with me through the dark, fill my mind with right
fill my path with light, i know i'll burn bright
with you by my side

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alrightchange the word 'fret' it sounds little wierd
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you

just stop your heart now, i want to be your lifeline
the one that finds, that you will stay this time
come now and take my hand, ill help you understand
why this life, hurts you this time, work out in timelittle confusing
with me by your side

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alright
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you

and i'll give it, never holding back
when you figure it out i'll be your facts
taking time, just to get you happy
but its all worth it in the end.......the end

nothing, can be as great, as whats to come from this
and I know i'll be right with you
so dont fret, things will be alright
turn your life upright, ill give my all for you


this is ok, but in some verses like the first one, it didnt seem liek some love song for ur gf. but then the chorus kinda cleared it up abit. not bad, even if she hates it, she wil still be pleased to kno u actually took time to write her something.
crit my new one if you could