#1
Verse 1

The night is one I'll never forget
I haven't stopped thinking about it yet
Three friends came round and took a chair
None of us were at all aware

We went to see what was downstairs
And saw some black & yellow there
We drank away to our hearts content
and by 11 we were all spent

Chorus
Those Black and yellow cans
made me feel so alive
Those Black and yellow cans
Well they changed my life


Verse 2
It was a feeling that you cant beat
At one a.m we were on the street
And while I was out there I met
A face that I'll never forget

The night slowly fizzled out
Since then all I have thought about
Is the girl that talked to me
Since then I've felt so melancholy

Chorus

Verse 3
Now everytime I've got a bit of space
I sit back and think about that face
I'll never see that girl again
I'm back to just me and my friends

The night was just so great
New year's eve was the date
And it's all because of those
Black & yellow

Chorus fade out

I quite like this song, it's only my second but i feel it's a big improvement on the last one, you probably all think it's not that good but I like it because it means alot to me.

Thanks in advance for crit and I wll crit any of yours that you want me to.
Last edited by bluemoon05 at Feb 5, 2007,
#2
talking about Strongbow or Boddingtons by any chance?

It isn't bad. Not the sort of thing I'd listen to myself, but it flows nicely, the imagery is good, and sort of reminds me of a point in my life. Very well structured, and I hope you continue writing. Remember, with every song you write you become more proficient at it.

And it doesn't matter if others don't like it. It's your work, be proud of it. Write some music for it, get it out there.

If you could crit mine, it would be muchly appreciated

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=517883
#4
The night is one I'll never forget
I haven't stopped thinking about it yet
Three friends came round and took a chair
Not one of us were at all aware
try putting...not one of us were aware(next line)of the actions to take place

We talked and looked downstairs
And saw some black & yellow there
We drank away to our hearts content
and by 11 we were all spent
you were spent? as in out of money?

Chorus
Those Black and yellow cans
made me feel so alive
Those Black and yellow cans
Well they changed my life
try not to use 'cans'. use something to descirbe it in place. like thos black and yellow montrocitys

Verse 2
It was a feeling that you cant beat
At one a.m we were on the street
And while I was out there I met
A face that I'll never forget

The night slowly fizzled out
Since then all I have thought about
Is the girl that talked to me
Since then I've felt so melancholy
no idea wat melancholy means
Chorus

Verse 3
Now everytime I've got a bit of space
I sit back and think about that face
I'll never see that girl again
I'm back to just me and my friends

The night was just so great
New year's eve was the date
And it's all because of those
Black & yellow

Chorus fade out

i dont get wat it was about. was the black and yellow cans good or bad, was the night good or bad? you dont clarify any of this

crit my new one if you could plz
#8
Boddingtons is good, I ain't drank it in a year. I'm gonna write a song about Nookee Brown now
#9
i really liked verses 2 and 3. i found the chorus alright, didnt like the word cans much. im not sure whether i like verse 1 though, because i didnt really like the 5th and 8th line. good job though
Quote by jxljxl
Fais wins at life


The obscenely young leader of the Laney Cult


Member of the EHX Guild
#10
I suppose it was alittle unclear whether the night was good or bad

I'll do a little re-drafting, but basically the night was great but the week after it I wanted it to be back there.
#11
Verse 1

The night is one I'll never forget
I haven't stopped thinking about it yet
Three friends came round and took a chair
None of us were at all aware


last line is bit odd try none of us were aware it will add much more meaning to it

We went to see what was downstairs
And saw some black & yellow there
We drank away to our hearts content
and by 11 we were all spent

this one is nice i wont change anything over there

Chorus
Those Black and yellow cans
made me feel so alive
Those Black and yellow cans
Well they changed my life

chorus is good but its a bit small may be u can add 1 or 2 lines to it


Verse 2
It was a feeling that you cant beat
At one a.m we were on the street
And while I was out there I met
A face that I'll never forget

this one is ok but somehow last 2 lines are not in the same flow as rest of the verse atleast thats what i feel

The night slowly fizzled out
Since then all I have thought about
Is the girl that talked to me
Since then I've felt so melancholy

Chorus

Verse 3
Now everytime I've got a bit of space
I sit back and think about that face
I'll never see that girl again
I'm back to just me and my friends

The night was just so great
New year's eve was the date
And it's all because of those
Black & yellow


above verse was good nice imagery
over here

Chorus fade out



ovberall the song was good and decent i liked it . hey just off the record . these black & yellow cans were they of beer or fruit juice hehe just kidding
Hi
#12
I really liked the imagery you created throughout the song. All in all I thought that this was very successful. Great job!