#1
Hey guys, this is my first post on this forum Hi everyone.
These are lyrics to a song I recently wrote, titled "echo". Let me know what you think.. i made a little messup in the lyrics while recording this, where it should be "You would hold me in your arms" i sang "you would carry me on your arms" which is an outdated lyric I had written a while ago....

http://kleinluka.morphew.de/song2/echo2b.mp3

I think I know who you are
Your emotionless eyes
I think I've seen you before
I just don't know you anymore

Do you remember the times
Why did you have to change your mind
You would hold me in your arms
You would tell me I was safe
With you

But you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who you used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Why are we standing in the rain
It's not gonna wash away the pain
Come try and see it through my eyes
Watch all your words turn into lies

Seems like the echo of my voice
Can't break through any of this noise
Seems like with anything I do
I'm drifting more and more away
From you

But you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who I used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Yeah I've tried
But I'm tired
Please let me in

Yeah I've hoped
You would find
The place where I have been

Yeah I've done all I could
I just didn't think you would
Turn your face against the wall
And run away from everything

Yeah you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who we used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Seems like the echo of my voice
Can't break through any of this noise
Seems like with anything I do
I'm drifting more and more away
From you
From you
Away from you
From you
Last edited by kleiny at Feb 4, 2007,
#2
woah, that's REALLY good for a first song... I look forward to anything else you write, if it's in the same vein.... I can see this working acoustically or with a haunting mood of music behind it... could be quite proggy, Dream Theater style... but yeah, awesome, really does remind me of Scenes of a Memory era Dream Theater. Keep up the good work... c4c? my songs are in my sig, they're all connected by a storyline, so if you read one and don't get it, don't worry, lol
#4
I think I know who you are
Your emotionless eyes
I think I've seen you before
I just don't know you anymore

Do you remember the times
Why did you have to change your mind
You would hold me in your arms
You would tell me I was safe
With you

But you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who you used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Why are we standing in the rain
It's not gonna wash away the pain
Come try and see it through my eyes
Watch all your words turn into lies

Seems like the echo of my voice
Can't break through any of this noise
Seems like with anything I do
I'm drifting more and more away
From you

But you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who I used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Yeah I've tried
But I'm tired
Please let me in

Yeah I've hoped
You would find
The place where I have been

Yeah I've done all I could
I just didn't think you would
Turn your face against the wall
And run away from everything

Yeah you're still deaf
To the echo of the voice you still ignore
But you're still blind
To the reflection of who we used to be before
Don't tell me you can't speak
Don't tell me you can't see
I've heard it many times before
I just can't stand you anymore

Seems like the echo of my voice
Can't break through any of this noise
Seems like with anything I do
I'm drifting more and more away
From you
From you
Away from you
From you


wow. really good. i actually cant find anything i dont like about it or any mistakes....hm..... youve stumped me..let me read it again, lets see......
ok, try changing this
To the reflection of who you used to be before
to this.....
To the reflection of who you were before

that way it doesnt use so many small words like used.to. and be.and thats all i really found. great job,keep it up.

crit my newest if ya could
#5
Hey thanks guys for the positive comments so far. Didn't expect this

@ragglefraggle: The reason I went with "used to be before" instead of "were before" is because of how the beat is and how it works with the melody. I'll post a recording of the song here later. I'm not the best singer but I'm okay I guess.

The verses are basically all fingerpicking Bm, G, D, Asus2 and then it goes into strumming for the chorus through Bm, G and A. The rythm gets a bit funky sometimes when transitioning from the picking to the strumming... I'll post it later. I'll check out your songs too

Thanks again! Keep 'em coming guys.
#7
ok here it is... sorry for the crap voice, i've been fighting a flu for the last 2 weeks :/

http://kleinluka.morphew.de/song2/echo2b.mp3

oh and i made a little messup in the lyrics while recording this, where it should be "You would hold me in your arms" i sang "you would carry me on your arms" which is an outdated lyric I had written a while ago....


PS: I've been thinking about getting rid of the last chorus.... it sounds a bit repetitive, anyone agree? I was thinking of going from the end of the bridge... ("And run away from everything") straight into the last block where it says "Seems like the echo of my voice...etc"

Does anyone else agree? Or does it sound balanced?
Last edited by kleiny at Feb 4, 2007,