#1
Tell me what you think. Don't be afraid to be critical


Verse 1:

Stainless steel smells on breath
Open pupils dissolve all depth
A fatherless father OD's on bleached teeth
Mummified fetus displayed on PC

Chorus:

Spontaneous oblivious heart-burn
You've had fun now its my turn

Verse 2:

His key leads to a false drawer
Salt on his food from tears I pour
Instead of a brain I'd prefer a loose tooth
When you've killed me they'll all have proof
#2
Verse 1:

Stainless steel smells on breath===='smells on breath' i dont understand
Open pupils dissolve all depth
A fatherless father OD's on bleached teeth
Mummified fetus displayed on PC
==== i dont get the whole first verse
Chorus:

Spontaneous oblivious heart-burn
You've had fun now its my turn
====nice and short
Verse 2:

His key leads to a false drawer
Salt on his food from tears I pour
Instead of a brain I'd prefer a loose tooth
When you've killed me they'll all have proof


ok, this is interesting, nothing i can find wrong with it, except i dont understand AT ALL what it is about. care to clarify for me? oh and its short, try adding more

crit my newest if ya could