#1
Let's not get used to it.


Olive and Pearl

My brother's missing eye held outstretched in his palm
With this hideous stare like a bruise on a pearl
While he runs towards the line, rich with aplomb
Your sweet name on his lips as they rise and they curl
My sister holds her bone trembling up like a scepter
As if to open the sky like some glorious wound
That rains royal blood sucked by holy attesters
My sister, shouts orders with a hand on her womb
And wailing bells on a tulip's stalk glisten
Shrieking trumpets sprout with melody blasting
Snow hatted musicians yearn not but to listen
Kiss sweetly their horns and break the long fasting
When the vines plucked deep from cracks in the dust
Sound off the lyres adorned by the angels
Spots rise to the skin guilding envy and lust
Outside our castle and it's deafening gables

Eurydice listens to her lover's lute's whispers
But her lover's in love with a soft-skinned spectre
The devil holds her hand on the staircase to rapture
And was the precious sight worth the cruel capture?

My mother found a ring buried down in the sand
Plastered with rust and the names of lost sinners
When the men had come with bright golden bands
She threw herself onto the web of the Spinner
My father grows grapes in God's holy vinyard
Pressed into wine, stains rise to his knees
Preaches to nobles, cures sin with thin words
His daughter's eyes shut as she sucks on a peach
Fruit trees grow low to the ground for a reason
Hanging branches create prisons for the blessed
The roots hold to bones buried by the seasons
What's writ on the leaves reads, "I did not kill them"
When the boiling water rolls over the seeds
She tends them in hands held tight to her chest
Her eyes shine like olives as green as the sea
And quicken the pulse beneath father's breast

If brilliance lifts thee from oblivious mire,
Whose son feather-light embraces the pyre
What loses are found through extatic desire?
They are in the last words of the riant flier:

"I see God on the inside of my eyelids"
Agghh skeet, skeet, crit me, skeet, skeet!
#2
you know
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#3
Oh my God, that had to be one of the best pieces I have ever read on this forum. I'm serious. It kind of reminds me of the way I write, so that might be a reason for me bias. Nonetheless, I thought this was a very solid piece. The word was beautiful and the flow was excellent. It had a very epic quality to it, which I very much enjoyed. Sorry, I couldn't give you a proper crit, but I really don't see anything wrong with this. Keep up the great work.

Crit mine please?
Kiss My Lips, Sweet Eternity
#5
I love this. Epic, makes plenty of sense, accessible, very imaginative, the imagery is portrayed excellently. It flows well, which we all like to see And the last line just tops it off brilliantly. You keep writing, you're good at it.

If you could crit mine, I'd appreciate it (latest one is Finding an Angel). I do recommend reading the previous ones for the entire story to make sense.

Congratulations on this gem of a piece.
#6
Wow. Stunning. Very well written -- there are some very vivid abstract images used in this piece and they leave you begging for the next one. I have no complaints and neither should anyone else. I think it's brilliant.

If you don't mind, tell me my latest sucks. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=519469
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.
#7
I like it. Dark but somehow fulfilling to read it. Can't wait to hear the finished product.
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#10
that was beautiful.

the rhyme scheme didn't get old,
and all of the images were great.

i loved it.

I just want to sleep forever.