#1
Hey, This is my first time ever trying to write...

I'm only 13 so go easy on me plz..

I am not done yet, im still gonna write some more, and probably refine this a little...
Plz crit
(Haven't come up with a title...)

Just thinking back to how it used to be,
And how you used to have control of me.
And all that mattered were the little things,
And how we missed out on reality.

But now things have changed
from what they used to be.
I can't think straight with all this locked up inside of me.
So I'ma let it out,
And tell all of you what I think of what
you been putting me through.

I can't stand the look of you.
I don't know what to do.
I'm tied to this place,
By all the things that I hate.

I try hard to believe
that when it's my time to leave,
that it still won't be too late,
to replace all that hate
with something more that the same...

I know you gave me a lot.
But all those things you taught
don't compare to the way
I'm treated today.

If you only knew
all those things I've gone through.
And all those times,
I've been excluded because of you.

And then you'd see,
that eventually,
all thses things can wear one down,
till they're down on the ground!

that's all i've gotten so far...i kno it's stupid..but w/e

And thanks to whoever gave me the heads up on the title to my lsat thread....

Im a songwriting and lyrics noob
#2
ok nice move with quickly deleting it.and heres
ur crit....
just thinking back to how it used to be,
And how you used to have control of me.
And all that mattered were the little things,
And how we missed out on reality.
u started 3 lines with 'and', just 2 lines is enough, change one

But now things have changed
from what they used to be.
I can't think straight with all this locked up inside of me.break this line in 2
So I'ma let it out,bad grammer in this line
And tell all of you what I think of what
you been putting me through.this line doesnt fit, try adding one would.EX 'putting me through misery' or pain, or hell.which ever

I can't stand the look of you.
I don't know what to do.
I'm tied to this place,
By all the things that I hate.
this verse is decent

I try hard to believe
that when it's my time to leave,
that it still won't be too late,
to replace all that hate
with something more that the same...
last line doesnt make sense to me

I know you gave me a lot.
But all those things you taught
don't compare to the way
I'm treated today.try putting 'i am' instead of " i'am"

If you only knew
all those things I've gone through.
And all those times,
I've been excluded because of you.

And then you'd see,
that eventually,
all thses things can wear one down,misspelled word
till they're down on the ground


pretty good for ur first lyrics.
crit my newest if u could