#1
Real quick: this song is still being written, as the rough draft was only written hours ago. I tried to lead to/write a spoken word part (think Rollins Band, Tool's "Bottom," etc.) in this one. There's no title yet; there will be with the finished product.

* * *

[Untitled]

Harmless embrace enfolds me
In temptation again
Seduced by the sweet smell of degradation
I weaken and give in

Educated hands wrapped around me gently
Remove my indiscretions of lust and desire
And crawl on my skin so slowly

And so I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and ignorant)
And you’re holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)
And you’re embellishing me in your
Sweet discontented harmony

Causality of lies and ironic fits of situation
I swallow hard and take another step back again
Addicted to this never ending cycle of perdition

(I want, I need, I want, I need
I want, I need, I want, I need&hellip

Naked shame worn like a crown of thorns
Upon my head like a sign of guilt
Voice below the conscience surface
Speaks to me so tender
Drowns me in empty promises
And breaks me down
Until I’m blind, shallow, and helpless

But I like this

(I want, I need, I want, I need
I want, I need, I want, I need&hellip

And so I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and ignorant)
And you’re holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)
And you’re embellishing me in your
Sweet discontented harmony

* * * * * * *

Revised Version: "Running In The Dark"

Your harmless embrace enfolds me
In temptation again
Seduced by the sweet smell of degradation
I weaken and give in

Your educated hands wrapped around me gently
Remove my indiscretions of lust and desire
And crawl on my skin so slowly

So I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and shallow)
And now you are holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)
And you embellish me
In your sweet discontented harmony

[Spoken Word Part:]
Naked truth worn upon my head
Like a crown of thorns and needles
Is a sign of what guilt I am bound to rectify,
Regret, and confess to the voice
Below the conscience surface that
Speaks to me so soothingly with understanding
But drowns me in false promises
Which breaks me down until I'm blind, deaf,
Ignorant, and helpless to the pain of self-abuse
Inflicted upon my being thwarted by this struggle with self-control.
So I stare at you through desire-numbed eyes with a smile
Of yearning as you slowly drive the nails.
I reach up to you from the bottom of the hole and
I pine for the one thing I wish I could obtain and deserve:

You.

This is my perdition.
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.
Last edited by grungefan89 at Mar 7, 2007,
#2
Can I have a comment here?
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.
#3
Harmless embrace enfolds me
In temptation again
Seduced by the sweet smell of degradation
I weaken and give in

Educated hands wrapped around me gently
Remove my indiscretions of lust and desire
And crawl on my skin so slowly
i dont kno about this last line here.

And so I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and ignorant)i like this
And you’re holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)and this
And you’re embellishing me in your
Sweet discontented harmony

Causality of lies and ironic fits of situation
I swallow hard and take another step back againi would cut out the 'again'
Addicted to this never ending cycle of perdition

(I want, I need, I want, I need
I want, I need, I want, I need&hellip

Naked shame worn like a crown of thorns
Upon my head like a sign of guilt
Voice below the conscience surface
Speaks to me so tender
Drowns me in empty promises
And breaks me down
Until I’m blind, shallow, and helpless

But I like thisi dont like this part

(I want, I need, I want, I need
I want, I need, I want, I need&hellip

And so I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and ignorant)
And you’re holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)
And you’re embellishing me in your
Sweet discontented harmony


ok, nice, but i have no idea wat its about. at first it seems like some one is using u or lureing u into something, then towars the middle/ end i have no idea wat its about and the verses and chorus dont really work together enough to illistrate the main point of it.

but i do like it, jsut clear up wat its about.

crit my newest if u could
#4
Final version:

"Running In The Dark"

Your harmless embrace enfolds me
In temptation again
Seduced by the sweet smell of degradation
I weaken and give in

Your educated hands wrapped around me gently
Remove my indiscretions of lust and desire
And crawl on my skin so slowly

So I feel this washing over me
(Desensitized, impure, and shallow)
And now you are holding me
(Devoured, consumed, and hollow)
And you embellish me
In your sweet discontented harmony


[Spoken Word Part:]
Naked truth worn upon my head
Like a crown of thorns and needles
Is a sign of what guilt I am bound to rectify,
Regret, and confess to the voice
Below the conscience surface that
Speaks to me so soothingly with understanding
But drowns me in false promises
Which breaks me down until I'm blind, deaf,
Ignorant, and helpless to the pain of self-abuse
Inflicted upon my being thwarted by this struggle with self-control.
So I stare at you through desire-numbed eyes with a smile
Of yearning as you slowly drive the nails.
I reach up to you from the bottom of the hole and
I pine for the one thing I wish I could obtain and deserve:

You.

This is my perdition.
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.
#5
I am in love with this. These are the kinds of songs I dream of writing, but can never make it happen. The first verse is amazing, don't change a thing. Unlike ragglefraggle, I believe the last line of the second stanza/verse thingy "And crawl on my skin so slowly" works well. I love the way the spoken word part is written, but I'm not sure how it would resonate in song with music. What style of music is this written for? I would love to hear the music behind this, but overall, the writing is amazing. You're definantly going places
#6
Hey, Antonio, thanks. I really appreciate it.

As for how the spoken word part works in with music, the song would gradually progress to a breakdown which would lead into a slow or moderate-paced interlude. I was mainly thinking of how Tool did something along those lines on "Bottom" and how AIC progressed to something similar on "Sludge Factory" near the end of the song.

As for the style of music, the project I've worked very hard to start is finally starting to get rolling, and I'm so early into jamming with the other people in on the whole crazy idea, I don't know what you could really consider it as. I'm influenced mainly by a lot of bands that are Hardcore, Metal, emerged out of the Grunge scene, so on ... but I'm really trying hard to avoid the whole "Metalcore" concept. Not that there's anything wrong with Metalcore, I love the melody, harmonizing, and those things have also effected/affected my playing and what direction I want to take a lot, but Metalcore just seems so jaded anymore. So, you know, fuck if I know what kind of music this is going to go with. I just know that I want a lot of atmosphere in the vocals, guitar, and drums. Especially the vocals, but not to the point where it eclipses the band behind the music. But the chances that I'll link up to an mp3 file of it here are very good.

...Okay, I guess I'm rambling on here, but let me close by responding to Ragglefraggle on something: as for illustrating a clear point on what I mean, I'm not for handing out what I wrote the song about on a silver platter. I would much rather someone attach their own meaning to my lyrics and have utter disregard for my own. It makes the music a lot more powerful in a few ways, you know?

Well, I'll get around to dropping a comment on your latest, Antonio.
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.