#1
This is my 3rd poem(only have 3), i plan on writing more, but i dont think any of poems are good, and if you all can comment, it would be great. Thx!


I don’t know why I feel this way,
But It just happens sometimes.
When you think its all good,
You see that all poems dont rhyme.

We all have to face facts sometimes,
Whether their good or bad,
It doesn’t really matter
You either get glad or mad.

though things might not seem perfect,
but the world isnt so **** it
We don’t always get what we always desire.
Not even the people that we secretly admire.

Jokes shouldn’t be taken seriously,
Even when they come from the person expected.
Many jokes are used to make others laugh,
So you shouldn’t get mad even when directed.

Putting things aside for now,
Let me talk about how I really feel.
How life would be better if I were to drown,
And you wouldn’t care at all.

To commence this awful “poem”,
I should really tell you the truth.
Even though you don’t really care,
If I were shot in a phone booth.

Many say I should try harder to accomplish my goal,
But for a fact I know it’s a lost cause.
It might be of importance but all you say is, “NO”
So it feels like my heart was cut by saws.

Your probably finding this poem very stupid.
Just because you don’t care,
Doesn’t exactly mean I don’t either.
Don’t try to rip this, don’t you dare.

It would be great if my goal was reached,
But all I know is that it never will.
I wont ever have what I want,
The only conclusion now is to kill.

You might of known before this that i would give the world for you,
Let me just remind you again of the fact that I love You
#6
yeah i know, i'm not that good, thoughts and words pop up into my mind and i write them down and then i make them rhyme
#7
thx for the crit on mine, ive got 2 other songs if ya want.

don’t know why I feel this way,
But It just happens sometimes.the line is ruined by the ending of 'somtimes', try chaing to 'to me'
When you think its all good,
You see that all poems dont rhyme.i like the metaphore its not grea,t but it works

We all have to face facts sometimes,
Whether their good or bad,
It doesn’t really matter
You either get glad or mad.this line used 'glad' and 'mad' with are weak and common words, try differnt ones

though things might not seem perfect,
but the world isnt so **** it
We don’t always get what we always desire.
Not even the people that we secretly admire.
kinda weak, not to bad

Jokes shouldn’t be taken seriously,
Even when they come from the person expected.
Many jokes are used to make others laugh,
So you shouldn’t get mad even when directed.
this verse is kinda iffy and stiff

Putting things aside for now,
Let me talk about how I really feel.
How life would be better if I were to drown,try making it shorter, could change to ' if i drowned' and when u sing it, stretch it out so u barely hear the 'ed' at the end, so it still rhymes with 'now'
And you wouldn’t care at all.

To commence this awful “poem”,
I should really tell you the truth.
Even though you don’t really care,
If I were shot in a phone booth.i would tak out this whole verse

Many say I should try harder to accomplish my goal,
But for a fact I know it’s a lost cause.
It might be of importance but all you say is, “NO”
So it feels like my heart was cut by saws.this sounds like a forced rhyme

Your probably finding this poem very stupid.
Just because you don’t care,
Doesn’t exactly mean I don’t either.
Don’t try to rip this, don’t you dare.

It would be great if my goal was reached,
But all I know is that it never will.
I wont ever have what I want,
The only conclusion now is to kill.

ok, this is decent for ur first try, and for the person that said u wouldnt write anything good for a year probly, not exactly true, ive been writing for about 2 months, and wrote 'death omen' and 'last hope' which arnt to bad.alot of ur rhymes were cheesy, as i pointed out most of them.but keep trying, u get better the more u write.

crit some of mine if u could
#8
Woah! you sounded all professional and stuff.. lol, but thx anyways
#10
yeah you do sound like a retard most of the time. (lol, at school)
#11
It's got a good foundation, and it's good that you're starting out. Try to use less metaphors that sound silly or cliche (Ex: "You either get glad or mad." or "So it feels like my heart was cut by saws. " Keep trying.
#13
I liked this alot. It seems like even though your just starting out that your really into this. Its great to throw your heart and mind into a song/poem and share it with the world. Keep it up.
4/5 - great job
#14
^ Thx for the crit, and i plan on writing songs now.... this is just a poem and so is my other one.