#1
My new song 'The 10000 year blizzard' Please comment!

My heart is frozen
My soul was chosen
Lost in the land of eternal snow
Coldness you could never know!

Trapped in the 10000 year blizzard
Trapped at the mercy of the time wizard
Rise up my army of the slain
Rise up and break the chain!

Why don’t you run away?
Noone said you had to stay
Apart from the wizard
He cast the blizzard!

Trapped in the 10000 year blizzard
Trapped at the mercy of the time wizard
Rise up my army of the slain
Rise up and break the chain!

Wander forever among the frost
I was trapped, I was lost
My heart is frozen
My soul was chosen
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#2
Hey, I like it, especially this stanza.

My heart is frozen
My soul was chosen
Lost in the land of eternal snow
Coldness you could never know!


It just seems to me in the stanzas after the rhyme is a bit forced between wizard and blizzard.
Crit for Crit on A Prayer for Warmth ?
#3
I agree with Bizarro. The wizard/blizzard rhyme gives off a forced vibe. Not really because of your writing, just that it'd be extremely hard to rhyme those two words without it seeming forced.
Other than that, it's pretty solid, the title really strikes me, "The 1,000 Year Blizzard." Definitely keep that. Good job.
#4
title really catched me i agree with the guys yeah sometimes rhyming is bit forced . but i kind of liked it i liked the opening verse alot from your piece
Hi