Sorry about doing this to ya'll, but everyone loves to hear about the shit you did when you were drunk. i know theres like ten million of these already out there, but they're so damn funny. one of my best is below.

Got drunk at my friends house and then proceeded to try and convince his older brother that his apple juice was champagne he stole from the "french pussy bastards". i spent an hour at that. then he got pissed and chased me so i stole his apple juice and some lunch meat (don't know why...) and barricaded myself in his closet. i was a tad bit high too, but anyways i passed out and woke up the next morning with no memory of it unitl my buddy showed me the video tape.

true story.

...wait, apple juice and lunch meat make you drunk and high?
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^^aww come on. everyone loves drunk stories.

edit: hahaha! acoustic owned
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there were 5 of us. 3 of us (not me) were drunk. we went to a 24-hour diner for some biscuits and gravy. a couple of the guys convinced me to ask these two chicks to come sit with us. let's just say i'm not such a ladies man. i ask the chicks, they accept. i am pleased with myself. little did we know that one of the girls's ex-boyfriends was sitting at an adjacent table. he was eyeing us and we were eyeing him. ex-boyfriend guy comes up to my heavier friend and calls him "cream puff". he goes up to my italian friend and calls him "linkin park", referencing his passing resemblance to mike shinoda. my italian friend has a violent temper and stands up and shoves him around. BAM. ex-boyfriend guy headbutts italian friend and breaks his nose. before leaving, ex-boyfriend guy tells us he is a student at the local university and gives us his dorm number. we leave the diner and head to the university to find him. unfortunately, he did not tell us what dorm he was in. not that it matters, because it is july and we can't get into any of the dorms anyways. so we make the logical decision and stand on each other's shoulders to climb through the window. after that fails, we go back to italian guy's house and pass out.
One time I drank more than half of a 60 (ounce) of Rye Whisky (I am a little guy) the last thing I remember after trying to chop down a tree is I managed to get onto the roof of the cook house and kicking down my elaborate ladder that consisted of a canvas chair and a table. I vaguely remember sliding down the roof. I woke up in a daze in my car and thought i was driving but it was parked in the campsite. No idea how I got off that roof.
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Okay, so I'm at a party in a homemade chicken suit and this guy calls me an idiot jokingly. I take it seriously because I'm trashed and start getting belligerent. As I'm trying to fight this guy, all my friends are holding me back trying to convince me that he didn't do anything wrong. I end up being sent home. I wake up the next morning, pissed at this asshole who got me thrown out of a party thrown by my friends, until my friends tell me that the guy never did anything to me and that I was a drunk idiot. I felt bad.
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i already posted this on the origional thread, but what the hell:
this one time, one of my friends and me were shitfaced in my basement. he called his girlfriend while i was stumbling around stupidly, and to get some privacy he went upstairs and into my bathroom. not knowing this, and wondering where he was, i somehow lurched my way up the stairs, and started looking for him. after like ten minutes of looking, he comes out of the bathroom, looking absolutely crushed. so i go "wazzzup??", and he says, "my girlfriend just dumped me."
i stand there for about a minute, dead silence; then i just say "word?" dave chapelle style, then i start cracking up. i then proceeded to lean on him and say "even though i'm, like, laughing and smilin and all that shit, i feel, real,... real bad for you".... followed by more insane laughter, and eventual collapse.
i'm sure there was more, but i don't really remember the rest of the night.
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This one day i took about 3000mg of hydrocodone throughout the day and then drank at about 7pm. i do not remember anything after about 8pm...nothing at all. that wasnt my brightest decision.

Another time me and two other friends drank a half gallon of vodka and had our sober friend drive us to taco bell. Taco bell was closed so we went to 7-11 and got slurpees. then we went through a town at about 2:30am and i was screaming out the window trying to wake everybody up.
me and my buddy get trashed, I pass out on the couch. i wake up to hear water trickling.
My boy is standing in front of his brand new 42" flat screen, relieveing him self on it.
Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.