#1
Halfway faded
I’ve concentrated
On everything I’ll never know

Masqueraded
I hesitated, never let it show
Leave it here or let it go?

See the means which I’ve been down
Exhale it in then inhale out

Without a reason
Hard to believe in
Fictionary facts are what I hold

So hold your teeth in
My skin is healing, into something new
Buy it now cause my soul is sold

Pick it up just to set it down
Pay up front just to sell it out

Chorus:
So cordially, been delivered whatever that I’m missing
Of course for me, it came up short
So forcefully, always dismissed and never forgiven
What more can be here, please let me know


I greatly appreciate any feedback given. BTW this is not the structure of the song, just the lyrics.
Last edited by RyaNNNNNNNN at Feb 7, 2007,
#2
This is one of the very few pieces I've read here, where I think I can totally feel the song underneath the lyrics. I love the rhyme and the structure of the stanzas. My only issue is this line:

So hold your teeth in
My skin is healing into something new
Buy it now cause my soul is sold


The rhyme scheme doesn't hold for this one, though the expression is excellent. I hate to suggest things, because it isn't my writing, but if I were to change anything in this, I'd change that.

At any rate, I really enjoyed this. I'd love to hear it recorded; I think this one will really stand as a song. If you wouldn't mind critting one of mine -

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=520413
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Quote by Jackal58
JoHNNERz you sir are my hero of the moment.
#3
Thank you very much. I noticed it doesn't look like that line suits up on paper but "Teeth in" and "healing" match up with the chords and timing then "into something new" is 5 quick lyrical beats if you will right after. I will check yours out.