#1
Hey guys,... this is unfinished, but I'm having a bit of a crisis of confidence, and wanted opinions on this so far, to see if you reckon I should carry on...

It's about the limitations of language, and how sometimes when you try and write literature or poetry or lyrics or whatever, and sometimes the conscious act of writing overshadows the meaning... Which I believe was a particular style of the Baroque period - emphasising the signifier over the signified, but hey!


Untitled

How do I define myself
And make myself the signified
If this song's the signifier
I'm scared 'I'll get trapped here.

And when you think we are the nouns,
And all we do is do the verbs,
Who we are is just adjectives,
We are nothing but phrases
#2
lol, a bit short to crit, but il try anyways.

How do I define myself
And make myself the signified
If this song's the signifier
I'm scared 'I'll get trapped here.
i dont liek the last 2 lines. its jsut me, dont like when pple talk about the song in thier song if u kno wat i mean

And when you think we are the nouns,
And all we do is do the verbs,try cutting out 1 of the 'do's
Who we are is just adjectives,
We are nothing but phrases

i like the metaphore, but i dont see how its applying. mind telling me how it does?

not to bad of a start, but right more then post it, so i can give more of a fuller crit.

crit any of mine if u could
#3
I've been studying a lot of critical theory at the moment at uni, and there's this approach to critical theory that says that all literature is an extended sentence; the charatcers are nouns, their attributes are adjectives, and their actions are verbs. I kinda liked this analogy... Sometimes you have days when your life feels worthless, and I liked the idea that you could sum up an entire life in a sentence and it structures. It sorta undermines the meaning of life, which I thought would be good lyrically.

And I get whatcha mean about not liking people talk about a song as a song... But I was hoping it would kinda illustrate the point... I was trying to point out that by writing a song about ourselves and how feel, we're focused on the words and the poetry - the signifiers, so much so that the real "us" gets lost amidst metaphors and rhymes. What I was trying to do here was ironise the process of writing a song by saying I'm scared of writing a song about myself in case I get lost amongst the words, the irony being the song is already written.

Thanks for the crit, I hope that explained some more... I shall now check out yours!
#4
i think you still need to develope your own writing more to be able to express your ideas, because its a very good idea (i think) but if its not expressed in an original and interesting way that people can understand it doesnt matter. not saying your writing is bad or anything. what i especially would like to see would be writing it in a way that goes against (at least to some degree) the idea of the limitations of language by using words, grammar, whatever in unusual, unorthodox ways or something.
your writing is pretty good, so sorry if i sounded unnecessarily critical. if you put the effort into this it could be really good because the concept has some potential (in my opinion)
if you can crit my poem (in my sig) thatd be really cool. i usually write lyrics, not poetry, so i would appreciate the crit. thanks