I was walking down a brightly lit avenue
Walking along, thinking about what to do
I thought of love, of war, and then of hate

Then I woke up, and I was just dreaming

Everyday people dream of having someone to care for
Everyday people dream of having a job to do
But me I wish someone would could just be there

I guess thats why I'm just sitting here, dreaming

I shut my eyes, then I woke up at a differant place
You were there, I just can't forget your face
You walked over and then started to talk to me

Then I woke up, and I was just dreaming

Everyday, guys dream of having a Mrs.
Everyday, girls dream of finding a guy that just listens
Me, I wish that god would come and save us
I love the simplicity of this piece. It really works for this one. I also really liked the rhyme scheme - the pattern is really jarring at first, but I like.

Now for the criticism... I think this one would work better as a song than as poetry. Additionally, the last stanza seems completely tacked on. I don't know if I like this or not. This is unfortunate, as it would work well within the song/poem, but really only serves to end the work on a low note; on the other hand, it really jives with the whole vibe of abruptness and simpicity.

At any rate, if you care to crit mine...

My Last.fm Account

My Band

Quote by Jackal58
JoHNNERz you sir are my hero of the moment.
well i think it's pretty good. but i agree with johnnerz the last stanza does seem like you were just trying to finish the piece. it just doesnt realy seem connected that well with the rest if you know what im saying? and if you wanted to keep that last stanza really bad, then you should at least change the last line. it just doesnt seem to flow with it very well. could you crit 'be mine' or my newest? there both in my sig