lol, put this together in about 2 minutes for creative writing class.

Red and pink hues of sweet candy hearts
Black skies adorned with golden stars
A walk on the beach, I'll take you far
Or we could go cruising in my new car
Rubies or diamonds, Jewelry's fine
I'll spend my money, I'll give you my time
Whatever you want, I'll give you the world
Anything for you, my beautiful girl
In terms of actual structure, this is really close. The problem are the little things, I think. The rhyme is a little bit off - "hearts / stars", "fine / time", "world / girl". The rhythm's just a little bit off in places, as well. It's strong in some places, and it could be strong throughout with a little work, but the little things throw it off.

As a fan of the straightforward, I have no complaints about your actual content. I dig.

If you feel like critting mine...

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Quote by Jackal58
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