#1
Name some,

One of my Neutrals (Kids I can stand sometimes, other times I hate them.) started bragging about how he got wasted, we asked what he drunk;

"Oh man, like 2 cans of UDL!" *Attempts for a high-five, whilst my other friend walks in hearing what he said*

"Bahahaha, what a ****ing cadbury!"

We were talking about things we hate, and my friend goes;

"Don't you hate it when you sweat so much milk comes out of your nipples!"

Another friend;

"Takes me about 30 seconds to..."

Everyone = " "

Go for it.
Quote by TiMaRmStRoNg101
there was once this girl
in my school
and she was like
'greenday is so punk'

and i was all
omgelitist
'fawkofffffffffff'
and punched her in the face.
cause i can do that
cause I know more about punk rock and stuff
#2
We were verbally fighting these guys
and my mate goes
"go 40 miles west, 40 miles east, and get the f*** off our planet!"
#4
my friend michael

'yeh, god created the earth a couple of thousand years ago, and dinosaurs were alive 2000 years ago.'

we all laughed and rammed him off his bike
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#5
"Hey, whats waxin?"
"Just relaxing"


was from some movie we saw in french, so stupid

one itme in the sixth grade, my friend apparently called himself bone crusher (no apparent reason, he's like uber thin), so one time he was acting all badass and stood up in kind of a dignified way and yelled "I am bone crusher! or boner!" it wasnt until right after that he realized what he said.
Alta Vera - My real life alternative rock band.
Ashen Spire - My personal metal band.

Super Mario, F-Zero & Dragonball Z covers!

PSN: whatev27

Let me ask you, does a machine like yourself ever experience fear?

#6
Me to one of my mates: Shut up you stupid christian.

Another douche(one of my "neutrals"): Hes not christian, hes catholic.

Me: Same thing, catholic is a section of christianity.

Douche: No its not

Me: shut up, you shit your pants and your mum cleaned it up (he actually did shit his pants, im not making that part up).
Quote by lachyray
do you reckon straight edge people ever get temped to drink alcahole,
when really want to but they know they can't so they just dont?
#7
awww...i have a friend that says the stupidest stuff but i cant think of any of it!!****ing hell the shit he says is priceless im gonna start logging everything he says in a book...
#8
we were once watchin a film and something came up in it about the moon was gonna blow up or something like that, anyway my friends girlfriend says "oh no, that means we'll all die!" we asked how, she said that we'd have no heat and freeze to death cos the moon is just the sun at nighttime. IDIOT!
#9
A friend of mine once said "I don't believe in God, but I'm gonna believe in him right now so he can help me." Fucking retard.
#10
Heh heh... One time in class, this guy yelled out the window to his slut of a girlfriend (who looks like a man) - "Hey, Meg, lift up yer skirt!" and my friend goes under her breath "Yeah, see if she has a penis..." It was one of the funniest damn things I've ever heard! Ah, good times..
FUNK IS THE WAY



you can be in my dreams if i can be in yours
#11
Some guys were arguing and swearing at each other, attracting alot of attention, with many onlookers standing and watching. So my friend walks in the middle of them and says to them "Well look guys *drops pants* NO PANTS!"


I thought it was funny.
#12
My mate went out with a really fat, ugly beast of a girl who thought she was God but was just infact a bitch.....

At first me and my other mates were like "He's not seriously going out with her...right?"
When we asked him, he called her "beautiful" and the "best girl in the world"


WE couldn't keep ourselfs from laughing.
#13
we started a "quote book" this year, noting down things like this;

One example

"How can goths be goths in summer?" [With reference to black clothing]

"Tubs" instead of the word "drums"
"Cable" instead of the word voltage
"What charge is it?" instead of "What time is it?"
"Are you going to basketball yesterday?"


the list goes on.
Co-President of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club

#14
Quote by irishman
we were once watchin a film and something came up in it about the moon was gonna blow up or something like that, anyway my friends girlfriend says "oh no, that means we'll all die!" we asked how, she said that we'd have no heat and freeze to death cos the moon is just the sun at nighttime. IDIOT!




Once I said to a friend:

"I don't like your mannerisms".


He replied:

"I don't like your terrorisms".


That was so funny!
#16
my friend Matthew (a member of UG) in all his attempt at being funny turned to me and another friend of mine during geometry and said.

"my loins are tickeling"

my friend simply stood up, turned to the teacher and said
"Ms. I think Matthew needs to use the bathroom, he said his loins are tickeling"

the pwnage was great
TEEP!!! Oiiiiiiieeeeeeeyyy!!!!!!
#17
my friend dylan rogers couldve written a book by now "you know what blake you are stupid and you need to shut up the **** up!"
and another time "Michael, have you been to ICC?" (the class is called IPC and michael is in his class)
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#18
once, my friend and i were in the city, and she sees this sign for the the Museum of Art and she giggles and goes, "hey em, read that sign" and then i just look at her funny and go, "thats the art gallery. whats so funny?"
after a contemplating silence, she goes, "OH museum of art, not museum-o-fart. that makes more sense!!"
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#19
hah, okay so we're all in english and its the first or second day of school. theres this serious douche bag in my class. shes an airheaded tard *that was me, setting u up for the story* so the teacher has just spent seriously 20 minutes explaining SSR that we have every friday and this chick raises her hand and, direct quote here, "what do we do during silent reading?" i laughed for 10 minutes...shes so sad. i pity her.
#20
Me: (Sitting on sofa, reading H.G. Wells "The Time Machine".)
Him: "What are you reading?"
Me: "The Time Machine."
Him: "Whats it about?"
Is it a bad thing if one of your testicles is larger then the other two?
#21
"Grunge and death metal are the same thing!"
Quote by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!


Do you folks like folk?
#22
The guitarist in my former band actually yelled the dumbest thing ever today at my school. He was somehow "angry" that I "dared" to be an atheist and yelled the following in our lunchroom, with an audience of about 600 people.

"HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOUR!!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL YOU F***ING HERETIC FOR HATING GOD!!!!"

I couldn't believe my ears. I told him he should be put down for being so nuts, and that I am incapable of hating that which i do not believe exists.
#23
Quote by JC13
Catholicism isn't a section of christianity, its the other way around... Catholicism is the original, Dumbass.

Christianity refers to any religion which believes in Jesus. Catholicism is a sect of Christianity. You phail.

My friend Chris said that Iron Maiden and Judas Priest has no influence on today's metal whatsoever. He listens mostly to Atreyu and Killswitch Engage, and I'm sure they'd tell him otherwise.
#24
Quote by Scourge441
Christianity refers to any religion which believes in Jesus. Catholicism is a sect of Christianity. You phail.

What he said.

On topic:

There's this blonde girl in my class who apparently has no concept of reality. She's really funny sometimes. The other day, I was recounting highlights from this video with my woods teacher, and I got to the part about Buddhist monks. I mentioned the question "What religion are Buddhist monks?" and she interrupted with her attempt at an answer. She shouted, "Chinese!"

She's had a million moments of the sort.
#25
Quote by JC13
Catholicism isn't a section of christianity, its the other way around... Catholicism is the original, Dumbass.

I really hope your being sarcastic. If theres one thing UG doesnt need its more Jan 2007 Noobs that dont know anything.
Quote by lachyray
do you reckon straight edge people ever get temped to drink alcahole,
when really want to but they know they can't so they just dont?
#26
Some dumb weird kid who tags along with my friends and me has said a few gems.

"I read onthe internet how to make Super crack...you take crack, and pour beer on it, and leave it to dry in the sun for five hours."

"Would you have buttsex with Rosie O'Donnell if it was the only way to kill her?"

And a few others that make no sense withotu backstory. I'll leave you with this: He once wore the same pair of socks for three months and named them The Echoes.
#27
He once wore the same pair of socks for three months and named them The Echoes.


ew.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#28
we once made my friend admit to having vaginas for basketballs.we were playing make it take it at gym, and every time one of us would get the ball Cj would have the chance to say "i have a vagina" to get it and every tiem wed add 1 ("i have 2 vaginas" "i have 3 vaginas" ect.)
Fender Standard American Stratocaster
Boss DS-1
Budda Budwah
Electroharmonix Small Clone
Vox AD50VT
#29
Quote by The Casualty
Synyster Gates is better than Muhammad Suicmez. I slapped her after that, I feel I made my point.


Her?

The Casualty, you are my new Cas.
Get baked, study theory.

Quote by :-D
Why are you bringing Cm into this?