#1
Been a while since I've written, but I've been working on a diss track today. What you guys think?
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When fights bust out I end em
When I minds come to be I bend em
I disrespect any rapper who conforms to be liked
So I come at them like a killer with my jagged edged rhymes

I put rappers down like its involuntary reaction
Cause they be talking bullshit so I split em up like a fraction
I’m so sick of these pathetic emcees talking so-called poetic
So I’ll just pound it until its embedded in your mind like shards of heavy metal
I’m the hip-hop definition/ the be all end-all
With intellect so sharp it busts through security walls
[That’re] Keepin you safe / and kept in you place
Stick to your rank/ study it, learn it
Realize any rap you throw at me/ I’ll flat out burn it

When fights bust out I end em
When I minds come to be I bend em
I disrespect any rapper who conforms to be liked
So I come at them like a killer with my jagged edged rhymes

I don’t start fights/ I end them
I don’t create minds. I just bend em
Try to fuck rap anymore and I’ll pull out your brain stem
Leave you quadraplegic / your plan full of weakness
Your scheme lacks all uniqueness while mine’s immunologic and ultra-strategic
Just leave it, homie, the hip-hop art is beyond you
I see you can’t hold your own, relying on your cowardly crew
Watch your crew fall down / In a 4 on 4 time signature
So I beg you stay back before you kill anymore culture

When fights bust out I end em
When I minds come to be I bend em
I disrespect any rapper who conforms to be liked
So I come at them like a killer with my jagged edged rhymes
#7
I like it, but I think the first part of the last verse is over done, since it's in your chorus also.
#8
Quote by Serrana
I like it, but I think the first part of the last verse is over done, since it's in your chorus also.

Hmm, well it was in the verse first, and I thought it made a good hook. I kept it there cause thought it reinforced in the verse. What do you mean by "over done"?
#9
I don’t start fights/ I end them
I don’t create minds. I just bend em (verse)

When fights bust out I end em
When I minds come to be I bend em(chorus)

You used pretty much the same idea, which is fine if you're looking for a good hook, and stuff like that is done all the time in songs. However you slightly changed the words, while using the same rhyme. If you're going to repeat an idea and a rhyme I think you should repeat the whole line, to give relevance to the rest of the song if you know what I mean.
#10
Quote by Serrana
I don’t start fights/ I end them
I don’t create minds. I just bend em (verse)

When fights bust out I end em
When I minds come to be I bend em(chorus)

You used pretty much the same idea, which is fine if you're looking for a good hook, and stuff like that is done all the time in songs. However you slightly changed the words, while using the same rhyme. If you're going to repeat an idea and a rhyme I think you should repeat the whole line, to give relevance to the rest of the song if you know what I mean.

Hmmm, alright. I was kind of on the fence about doing that anyways. Thanks.
#11
Quote by MastaBassist10
I’m the hip-hop definition/ the be all end-all
With intellect so sharp it busts through security walls


That was my favourite part. The only way I can imagine this been rapped is a la Ludacris. Did you have this in mind?

I didn't like the repetition, and some of the lines looked like they needed to be cut down.

Overall, I'd give it 7/10.
#12
Quote by _Mayday_
That was my favourite part. The only way I can imagine this been rapped is a la Ludacris. Did you have this in mind?

I didn't like the repetition, and some of the lines looked like they needed to be cut down.

Overall, I'd give it 7/10.

Ludacris is one of my favorite rappers, anyone who's been in the rap thread knows that, but no, I was actually listening to Jedi Mind Tricks when I wrote this.
#13
Quote by MastaBassist10
Ludacris is one of my favorite rappers, anyone who's been in the rap thread knows that, but no, I was actually listening to Jedi Mind Tricks when I wrote this.


Aye, I knew.

A few words about my rap wouldn't be a bad thing.
#14
Wow, that's good man. I like. You need to get that recorded.

I agree with Mayday though, I'm getting a Luda vibe from it.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#15
Clever, ras, not my thing though man, sorry. However, I do like rap that tends to use more imagery, and you used some. I felt that your ripping out your brainstem was graphic jsut to be graphic you know.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#16
Quote by furtherfan21
Clever, ras, not my thing though man, sorry. However, I do like rap that tends to use more imagery, and you used some. I felt that your ripping out your brainstem was graphic jsut to be graphic you know.

Is that a good thing?

Anyways, I used violence on purpose. Violence affects people and it gets their attention, making them listen to what else I have to say. That's how 2pac, Nas, Biggie, all those rappers do it. It also says "Don't fuck with and don't fuck with hip-hop, or I'll fuck you up"

I've spit more graphic material, anyways.
#18
its good dan, record that shit
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#19
Even though I generally think disses are one of the worst parts of rap / hip-hop, this was pretty cool. It was just about as clever as any diss can be. Your style is pretty unique.

I agree with Serrana, repitition of the same idea in the verse/chorus didn't really work.. but that was the only weak point in the song. Nice,good job.